Alan

not even in linkedin can i escape getting elo-gapped it’s so over

When my ex asked me to move-in with him we broke up instantly a week later. After pondering for a year, I think it has to do with the fact that my furniture is made out of paper and spit so moving equals self immolation

I feel such a personal violence, a visceral reaction, when it comes to thinking about moving apartments.

I don't do it because it's easy I do it because it's hard (listening to red scare)

kinda upset that I didn't get invited to the wedding party where I've slept with half the invited guests!

if I have children I'll just see who's available in the floor of the hypothetical high rise apartment that I convince myself it's worth it to live in to take care of them. it takes a village y'all. sometimes the village is the FLOOR of the fake luxury apartment in Greenpoint

a lot of the pro having children discourse is free grandpa/grandma labor

Dang now I have to buy Mewgenics..

I'd love to live in a 10 floor walkup and just invite random people over

I mean technically yes but they still did 9/11 so 🤷‍♂️

so sad that "I'm a culture canary in the mine" isn't a skill to brag about in job interviews

frank ocean releases a 16 track album and headlines the next super bowl

there's something about having a lazier-than-you roommate that constantly feels like an ego trip because at least I'm not them

something very eerie about going to a cny party and everyone being white

one of the worst things about me, is that I have this aura which makes people around me in a 10 m radius not be able to make any decisions until I reaffirm them

miss drinking and driving in the abandoned highway near my parents summer house

me to the sweetgreen employee: what's the most you've lost in a coin toss

don't forget looking stressed and always rushing somewhere (no stress and not rushing since it's lunch)

now if the kind people at Robinhood read my beautifully written job application we cold make it reality.

I still have this wild fantasy of the post 2015's liberal pastiche of working in a coffee shop on a work-given MacBook

dsny should be able to arrest people for smell crimes

accepting Kanye West's apology because I accept everyone's apologies

I truly wonder if the only way to make meaningful connections growing up is to go back and get a masters at NYU

my life's quality lowered when Facebook marketplace sellers began thinking (and they're right) that they could make real money selling me useless things

watching Europe release twotter in real time

you think it can't get funnier and they come up with another type of milk (corn)

worst thing in this planet is a couple profile on grindr when one of them is super chopped. I feel bad for them and I feel worse for the other one

Welcome To New York by Taylor Swift on Apple Music Song · 2014 · Duration 3:32

music.apple.com/us/album/wel...

so nice of the mta to make stations look more like prisons (we are all going to prison soon)

donated money to save the penguins. I hope I'm remembered [plaque that says well he tried his best (10$)]