Sean Thomason

Proof at last! - and it’s totally different from my false memory version of it. At least Randy Quaid is there

I swear there was an 80s SNL sketch where Jon Lovitz was a talk show host who kept trying to pick his guests’ noses and I’m cursed to be the only person who remembers it.

FDR: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

The current guy: “I guess.”

Listen I’m a man who grew up in the 90s, I learned a long time ago not to comment on anything Britney does one way or the other, ever.

It’s bleak!!

The Prodigal… has returned

Yiiiiikes

I just found out Prodigal Sam is still posting and “now I can’t sleep”

"hey Shaq did you know I can dunk" - you, 2013

They need to give him a position in the Trump cabinet so things can be full circle

Remembering the halcyon twitter days when our biggest concern was Prodigal Sam, the youth minister who stole jokes about how seals can't hug or something.

The thing about a name like Markwayne is it always sounds like you're in trouble and your mom is telling you to get back in the house this instant.

It's good Kristi Noem is gone but that'll change things at DHS about as much as hiring a new clown to play Ronald McDonald changes the food at McDonald's.

My little dog just said “if I ever see that Kristi Noem, she’ll be the one in a gravel pit” then he cocked a shotgun. No idea where he got it.

These days I feel like an Orc in Mordor reading the newspaper. "Ah shit, look what Sauron is doing now. Horrible. But what can I do about it, I'm just one Orc. I have maggoty bread to make."

CHOTINER: Have you read any of my interviews?
ME: Yes!
CHOTINER: More than just screenshots?
ME: Ah...
CHOTINER: And yet you seem to be participating in a format based on them.
ME: I guess I just like to feel like I'm part of things.
CHOTINER: So then you'll read an interview now?
ME: ...no.

Peanuts panel, Linus says to Snoopy “what are you going to do about pollution?”

DNC to voters about everything:

I chatted with Mary Jo and Kevin about our weird mad scientist characters on MST3K. Two conclusions: 1) we can’t remember shit 2) still, we do know we had such a great time that we can’t wait to give it another go!

With handy, user-friendly excerpts of the sketches we’re trying to remember.

If you’re in Dubai, STAY in Dubai.

I feel like we’ve moved on from things feeling Orwellian to a dystopia written by Philip K. Dick. Everything’s all Dickish.

I used to have a beard but I shaved it because I was always compulsively touching it too much. So now when I see a guy touching his beard too much it’s like yeah dude, I get it, I’ve been there.

Every other type of doctor: "Oh you want an appointment? That's cute. We might have an opening in three years."

Optometrist, not covered by insurance: "We have something in 10 minutes. Are you here yet? Where's your credit card?"

I don't expect much from the world anymore, but like, c'mon

Bruce Campbell should get to live longer than him. I don't think that's too much to ask.

We're so desperate for it to happen we're like "the neck! Look at the neck! The neck is dying!!"

I guess "FEED YOUR CHILDREN TO TRUMP" wouldn't have looked as good on a red baseball cap.

Hope you feel better soon, tell that appendix to hit the bricks!

OUT: wedding announcements in the New York Times

IN: wedding announcements by stylist Law Roach

We’re obviously getting The Rock for this one too

I just noticed how weird the hammer is. Is he a dang Flintstone