That's Nelson Eggs

People (Pete Docter) need to ignore the "how do I explain this to my kids" shitheads. If you don't want to explain shit to kids, why have kids? Why show them art?

do i even need to post this

6 panel comic 1. two nelson eggs stand just inside the doorway of a home where the walls are oddly stitched together. There are obvious stretched out faces on the walls. One of the nelson eggs says, "So, this house is...unique. It's been on the market for a while because..." 2. Closeup of the other nelson eggs asking, "what's with the walls?" 3. The first nelson egg is pointing at the other one and saying, "don't interrupt me! I was getting to that, if you'd just let me fucking talk." 4. The first nelson egg starts walking through the house, saying, "this house was built by a human who loved his friends so much he used their skin for wallpaper." 5. Closeup of the first nelson egg standing in front of two stretched out faces on the wall, saying, "I assume you'll get used to the smell if you life here long enough and get rid of the skulls in the..." 6. The other nelson egg interrupts the first one again, saying, "this one's for the 'maybe' pile." They are halfway out the door.

You never know what's in a house #webcomic

Oh

Hank is really lucky he didn't get chicken finger blasted with that attitude, but then again those chicken fingers are nothing short of professional.

Like you clock in and grab a free slap card and if you give it to a customer they just have to take the slap. They just have to shut up, get slapped, and leave the store. Unused free slap cards have to be surrendered at the end of your shift. They cannot be collected and saved for later.

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg stands with their arms crossed, saying, "is there a Nelson Egg that could help me here?" 2. A chicken finger monster (a chicken with human fingers for legs and also randomly sticking out of their backs or sometimes behaving as arms) replies, "well, it's only the three of us chicken fingers here tonight. How can I help you?" 3. The nelson egg puts their fists on their hips and replies, "really? There's no nelson egg working now? So who is in charge tonight then?" Also, they are standing in front of a strange shelf display that features lotion bottles and bowling balls. 4. The chicken finger monster steps out from behind the counter. A poster behind them advertises "All buttons 50% off!" The chicken finger monster says, "that'd be me. How can I help you?" 5. The nelson egg gestures at the chicken finger monster and says, "ugh, fine. I'm looking for an egg cup. It's a cup for eggs. Do you need me to spell it? I'll spell it." Another chicken finger monster is in the background at another counter that is labeled "Egg Cups!" and there are indeed large egg cups on display. 6. The nelson egg continues, "that's e-g-g-c-u-p."

This was when I was working at Walgreens in 2021. An old woman wanted a woman to help her find some L'oreal shit and thought none of the three men working at Walgreens would have even heard of the brand. Retail is hell. Pay them better and let them slap one customer per shift. #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg wearing a wrist watch is holding up their hands. Caption: "So you need to wash your hands: A Nelson Eggs Guide" 2. The nelson egg is holding their hands in a toilet bowl. Caption: "Get your hands wet." 3. The nelson egg is squirting hand soap onto their 'face' area and making it sudsy with their other hand. Caption: "use your face to put soap on your hands." 4. The nelson egg is standing next to a washing machine. Their hands are off and clearly falling into the washing machine. Caption: "throw your hands into the washing machine." 5. The nelson egg stands handless in front of the washing machine. Caption: "Wait." 6. The nelson egg is standing in the kitchen and there's an apple, a banana and a box of cheese crackers on the counter. Caption: "this is taking too long. Get a snack. Oh, shit. Did you throw your watch into the machine?"

This was from 2020. Obviously. It was pretty obvious we were fucked when covid hit and everyone needed instructions on how to properly wash their hands. #webcomic

My favorite is Weird Science, which goes on too long and then it feels like one of them just stopped playing so they all just stop playing at different times and I wonder if the plan was to have it fade out but they liked it or forgot to fade it out

An embarrassing FIFA bribe and a hand-me-down nobel bribe weren't good enough. The world must willingly honor the most peaceful president any country has ever had or else he will continue bombing other countries and invading his country's own cities to terrorize and murder whoever says "boo"

Horrified and embarrassed that they actually had diarrhea and there are no actual turds to kick, they'd try to scoop the diarrhea with both hands into the sink, then splash their hands in the toilet to clean the poop off

Fuck, I meant sink. They'd try to kick the turds into the sink.

A Walgreens customer would shit on the floor in the opposite corner from the toilet, then try to kick the turds into the toilet.

Holds up

🫵 HEY YOU 🫵

Do you draw 🦜🧍‍♂️🐦 BIRD PEOPLE? 🐦🧍🦜

Join the pack!

🪶 Comment with/without art, I'll check media tabs
🪶 Tag friends
🪶 Artists of all sizes welcome, but I'm prioritizing smaller accounts that fit the theme first (human + bird hybrid artists)

go.bsky.app/Kv6iRCw

Hey I'm making a starter pack called "WE DRAW BIRD PEOPLE" for artists who draw bird people, anthro birds, winged humans, harpies, etc.

👇 Reply to this post if you wanna be the first to join! 👇

I'll make a full announcement once I populate it with a few artists. Tagging a friend is also welcome!

Sorry, I draw egg people

It costs a little extra, and not everyone likes it on their pie, but a good black hole on a pizza will send you to another dimension of pure flavor.

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg is running and yelling "fuck!" 2. The nelson egg has run into a wall and is leaning on it looking back. 3. The nelson egg is running again, yelling, "no! no! no! no!" 4. The nelson egg is still running, waving their arms in the air and yelling "help!" A large hand is reaching for them from behind. 5. The large hand has pinned the nelson egg to the floor while another large hand is applying something to the nelson egg's back. 6. The nelson egg walks sadly away. A sticker has been stuck to their back that says, "50% OFF"

Anyone looking for a deal? #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg sits in a corner of a room. They have removed their legs and they are swing them around and yelling "yee-haw!" 2. Another nelson egg holds a pizza box from "The Fuckin' Pizza Place" and asks, "who wants some pizza?" 3. The first nelson egg starts putting their legs back on and says, "oh, fuckin' yee-haw! hat did you get on that clown pie, Hank?" 4. Hank holds the box out for the first nelson egg and says, "a black hole." 5. Hank holds the pizza box open and it is indeed a pizza with a black hole in the center. The first nelson egg asks, "what?" but the word balloon is distorted as even their words are being sucked into the black hole along with the hand that was reaching for a piece of pizza. 6. The pizza box sits open in a void. The "That's Nelson Eggs!" logo is being sucked into the black hole pizza.

What are you favorite pizza toppings? #webcomic

Hank doesn't want to admit he's over the hill (and 3 days from expiring).

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg sits in a corner of a room. They have removed their legs and they are swing them around and yelling "yee-haw!" 2. Another nelson egg holds a pizza box from "The Fuckin' Pizza Place" and asks, "who wants some pizza?" 3. The first nelson egg starts putting their legs back on and says, "oh, fuckin' yee-haw! hat did you get on that clown pie, Hank?" 4. Hank holds the box out for the first nelson egg and says, "a black hole." 5. Hank holds the pizza box open and it is indeed a pizza with a black hole in the center. The first nelson egg asks, "what?" but the word balloon is distorted as even their words are being sucked into the black hole along with the hand that was reaching for a piece of pizza. 6. The pizza box sits open in a void. The "That's Nelson Eggs!" logo is being sucked into the black hole pizza.

What are you favorite pizza toppings? #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg is running and yelling "fuck!" 2. The nelson egg has run into a wall and is leaning on it looking back. 3. The nelson egg is running again, yelling, "no! no! no! no!" 4. The nelson egg is still running, waving their arms in the air and yelling "help!" A large hand is reaching for them from behind. 5. The large hand has pinned the nelson egg to the floor while another large hand is applying something to the nelson egg's back. 6. The nelson egg walks sadly away. A sticker has been stuck to their back that says, "50% OFF"

Anyone looking for a deal? #webcomic

There's an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Malcolm buys a shitty car and sinks a lot of money into it and no one can convince him it's a piece of crap even though it's immediately obvious to everyone. Then the car almost kills him. I bet chatgpt succeeds where the car failed.

Saw some dumb Sam Altman shit time to repost this comic about his legacy being stupid as fuck it's so infuriating the amount of money this dumb man has been able to throw away on a stupid piece of crap

Taco Bell was the first restaurant that, as a child, I recognized as a place that was not for me, but @tacobellquarterly.org is, and I'm waiting for the right idea to come to me to submit something.

Change your gender, become a poet, catapult yourself into the sun. There are no rules. You can do anything you want.

Pretty sure Dr. Hank's dummy is actually just an old hole filled sock with construction paper arms and legs stapled to it.

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg walks onto a stage holding a microphone. The nelson egg says, "I'm so sorry our first act sucked so much. I don't like magicians either. The good news is he is the only one we have." 2. Close up on the nelson egg saying, "The bad news is the next act is a ventriloquist. I regret that it is my duty to introduce the comedy duo Dr. Hank and Mr. Nelson." 3. Another nelson egg enters the stage waving to the crowd. The first nelson egg says, "please hold your boos until the end. Thanks." 4. The ventriloquist waves his arms. He is not holding a dummy. He says, "hello, everyone! Yes, I am a ventriloquist and yes I forgot my dummy. I won't let that stop me though." 5. The ventriloquist holds his left hand up and says, "okay, if you just imagine I've got my dummy, I promise you'll love all my jokes I'm about to tell to my left hand." 6. The first nelson egg has returned to the stage and says, "I think we'd all like you most if you left the stage."

The mildest of apologies to all ventriloquists out there. It's just that you've worked hard perfecting a difficult skill I have no respect for. #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. Closeup of a nelson egg saying, "oh, fuck" 2. Wideshot of the nelson egg standing just inside the doorway of a room where another nelson egg has obviously been murdered. They are lying face down in a dark puddle, their arm is broken off and the back of their shell is badly cracked. Using the dark puddle blood/albumen, the killer has written "I'LL BE BACK" on the wall and it is drippy. The nelson egg asks, "are you okay?" 3. The nelson egg asks, "Hank?" 4. A wider shot showing the murder scene again so the nelson egg can scratch their head in confusion. 5. Closeup of the nelson egg holding out a box and saying, "Listen, I just stopped by to return your puzzle." 6. The nelson egg has placed the puzzle on top of the corpse of their friend Hank. You can see their right foot as they are leaving the room.

It's important to return things you borrow. #webcomic