And they say romance is dead😍
26.02.2026 07:30
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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?
25.02.2026 02:48
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To be fair, you wont let a chick pee on your face either😂
25.02.2026 07:31
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Its adorable!!!
11.01.2026 23:35
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I just inserted a tampon so huge it should've come with lube if youre wondering how my night is going.
18.12.2025 09:19
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[gets arrested]
Me: [lifts up testicles, crouches, spreads cheeks, coughs] My god this is so demeaning
Cop: We didn't ask you to do any of that
17.07.2025 21:39
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Picture of the northern lights that's in the shape of Te Fiti from Moana. It also kind of looks like a butt.
The heart of Te Fiti is in Alaska. Or, it's a butt🤷♀️
15.09.2025 08:14
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*wife seductively ties my hemorrhoid in a knot with her tongue*
Marriage: 10/10
12.09.2025 01:24
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And ill do it again
12.09.2025 21:33
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Them: you need to seek professional help. Your friends don't want to be around you, your wife is divorcing you, your kids hate you...its time to take some accountability.
Me (a ptarmigan): aweebo ☹️
12.09.2025 06:05
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007 Inches: Golden Shower
02.09.2025 06:13
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Charlotte's Wet Pussy 🕸
02.09.2025 06:12
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Sword in the Slut
02.09.2025 06:11
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Lord of the Rimjobs
02.09.2025 06:10
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I just lost the game.
22.08.2025 06:17
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Oh wait "can of beans" was you, right?
19.08.2025 21:00
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He's lying, "Can of beans" is what he calls my vag. He has definitely stuck his dick in there.🤷♀️
19.08.2025 20:11
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You coulda tagged me, damn.😂
06.08.2025 23:51
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If you ask me a question I dont know the answer to, I'm going to rip out a bunch of my pubes and toss them on the nearest surface to read them like tea leaves. Whatever comes out of my mouth after that is none of my business.
02.08.2025 22:11
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*Goth cooking video*
Hello! And shame on you for disturbing my brooding!
Tonight we're making moonspell moon pies!
First step is to coat your cradle of filth with a dash of Lacuna oil...
Add your batter until it gives off that Evanescent aroma and turns black as my heart.
04.08.2025 02:59
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If you have time to read this, you have time to text her.
30.07.2025 17:15
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We mustn't forget daisy dukes cut offs! 😂
28.07.2025 18:39
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Why does the last ten years of country music sound like it's been made by AI?
28.07.2025 08:04
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Did you guys know that Walmart sells prison wine? They get away with it by labeling it as "strawberries"
24.07.2025 04:12
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Trubel McDouble the voidcat reverse splooting after I told her there was already food in her bowl. (Classic manipulation tactic)
Omfg ew
Alt text for context
25.07.2025 06:19
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Gave the wife the ol' dicky doo last night. The funny thing is, I can say that and still get laid in the future.
28.07.2025 03:11
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They should add that into torture between the sleep deprivation and the water boarding.
15.07.2025 19:54
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It gets to a point where I just have to skip to the next song lol. Its so excessive😂
15.07.2025 17:03
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Seriously 😂
15.07.2025 17:02
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I didnt say I didnt like them! The first 3 minutes of their songs are great!😂😁
15.07.2025 17:01
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