Blather Wince Repeat

A sign reads "Please wait patiently for the failure of the system" with Chinese characters above.

our patience has been rewarded

Square pizzas should be the standard. Square drinks and sides too. "Give me 17 square inches of dinner," you could say

I hate people who act like they're smarter than me just because they went to a fancy college and have a higher IQ and are gooder at thinkings.

I don't think we should be asking the war machine's opinion on war.

We don’t agree on much, but I think we can all agree with the way Johnny Cash sang ooooooo in Ring of Fire

“I smell a unique blend of lavender and teakwood, with hints of, I wanna say, rose? Nothing to see here,” the officer concluded before waving me through. My secret? Scented trash bags for body part disposal.

I'm always confused by people who block me for limiting replies.
It's like, "So you, too, actually DO believe in users' rights to set boundaries for who interacts with them?"

I say happy birthday a lot for someone that is diametrically opposed to all birth.

My musings on phonics and philosophy are collected
in my new book “And Sometimes, Why?”

Salon sign reads “Guaranteed Shorter Hair.”

“Meeting expectations since 1994.”

I am now in my 55th year of being an imminent millionaire.

Someone just tried to run me down in a 711 parking lot to get to a Japanese mayonnaise and egg sandwich.

What? "Revved up like a deuce"? No, that's not how English works. You have to actually say the words you want us to hear.

A dog is squeezed in a corner between a washing machine and a cabinet, looking at a robotic vacuum cleaner in the center of the room.

it is best to find out early who can and cannot be counted upon when the robot uprising begins

who made this

Is it one of those situations where you're thinking you benefitted something but an old wise voice over says it was actually a graceful humility to you? And where even does the voice come from, pipes?

There should be an Earth for people who don't hate all living things

"No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."
- Lily Tomlin

"I'm a pretty quick study" - Me, a man celebrating 43 years of squirting a little mustard water on his bread

Everything you're thinking about saying is in a language that you've studied and never spoken so just remember you are phonetics wrapped in a why do they not actually spell it that way to me

This is Beau. He is a textbook example of a golden retriever. They really will try to be friends with anyone. 13/10 for both (IG: beaugoesoutside)

The percentage of people who just don't want to be best friends is so close to 100 you could hear two special little bracelets I made drop

One day you're enjoying the Kinks in concert at the State Theatre, Easton, Pennsylvania and the next they've been disbanded for over thirty years.

Hey babe, wanna come back to my place? I'll put on Return to Pooh Corner and we'll dip ham sandwiches in fondue.

Of all Presidementia's prior State-of-the-Unions I've not watched in the past, tonight's State-of-the-Union is the State-of-the-Union I'm not watching the most. 🍊🚫

Walked by the woman I'd once hoped to marry on the street; she didn't even glance in my direction. I hear she's with Colin Jost now.

This is a sketch of the river Tyne as seen from Corbridge which is a small town in Northumberland close to Hadrian's Wall. The bottom half of the sketch is a watery reflection of the scene above and the colours are mostly a variety of greens with the odd splash of brown. I did this on 03/07/21.

A view of the river Tyne, Corbridge in Northumberland. 03/07/21. Watercolour on cartridge paper in a small sketchbook. #art #sketchbook #water