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Marko Kloos

@markokloos

I tell lies for fun and profit. Author of the Frontlines and Palladium Wars SF series, Wild Cards writer, contributor to Love Death + Robots.

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Latest posts by Marko Kloos @markokloos

“Both sides are the same!”

Even if that were true, which it absolutely and demonstrably is not, then you should probably favor the side that doesn’t have all the end times nihilists and swastika flags on it.

06.03.2026 13:26 👍 10 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Wow, that's high praise! Thank you!

06.03.2026 00:58 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

It's what the boss finds hawt, simple as.

05.03.2026 23:31 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

"Tell Kristi it was me." --Cricket

05.03.2026 21:18 👍 23 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

I hope it’s slowly dawning on Noem that she’ll never have a respectable job again or be welcome among polite society.

05.03.2026 20:07 👍 21 🔁 0 💬 4 📌 0

Aww, man. She won’t even get to use the flying fuck palace she ordered on our dime.

05.03.2026 20:00 👍 15 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0

This country can not be trusted to honor its treaties, contracts, and alliances, and that'll be the case until foreign policy can't be flipped on a dime every four years by a few thousand peckerwoods in swing states who believe that the Earth is 6,000 years old and the Bible was written in English.

05.03.2026 15:20 👍 31 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

When the quick sugar high of seeing big explosions starts to fade and the unintended consequences don't go away, the hangover will be rough. First he'll blame his generals, then the button-pushers will walk the plank, and in the end it will be the fault of the Dems somehow anyway.

04.03.2026 18:53 👍 20 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

So Windows 12 is going to be "AI-focused" and "subscription-based", huh?

You know what else it's going to be? Not for me.

04.03.2026 18:34 👍 18 🔁 1 💬 6 📌 0

Motherfucker keeps providing rock-solid evidence for his war crimes trial at The Hague.

04.03.2026 14:05 👍 17 🔁 3 💬 3 📌 0

It's astonishing that all those Very Smart Businesspeople at Target (and the Super Genius heading Tesla) failed to see how pissing off their prime customer demographic and pandering to the red hat crowd that shops at Walmart anyway and doesn't buy electric cars could possibly hurt their bottom line.

03.03.2026 18:09 👍 23 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0

Also, the chocolate rations have been increased from 30 to 20 grams!

03.03.2026 15:29 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

We have always been at war with Irania.

03.03.2026 15:20 👍 22 🔁 1 💬 3 📌 0

"We regret to inform you the little monkey is racist."

03.03.2026 02:09 👍 11 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Sure, solar power is free and abundant energy from the sun, so that's pretty neat. But did you know that the supply also can't be blocked by closing the Strait of Hormuz? Wild stuff. We should look into it.

02.03.2026 23:44 👍 49 🔁 8 💬 1 📌 0

You mean Pearl Harbor was not an act of war?

Holy shit. When the Japanese hear about this, we are going to owe them a shitload of reparations.

02.03.2026 02:41 👍 21 🔁 2 💬 1 📌 0

Operation Epstein Fury.

28.02.2026 11:54 👍 26 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

“A billion dollars is the socio-economic equivalent of a loose nuke, and we should work to prevent the acquisition of the former with the same urgency and ruthlessness we use to prevent the acquisition of the latter.” - @johnrogers.bsky.social

27.02.2026 17:56 👍 125 🔁 59 💬 1 📌 0

“Any allegiance to a deity or concept or universal principle which put obedience above decent behavior toward an innocent human being was evil.”

Dan Simmons, "Hyperion"

27.02.2026 22:07 👍 19 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0

<thisisfine.gif>

25.02.2026 15:32 👍 14 🔁 2 💬 4 📌 0

Get To The Choppa

25.02.2026 14:39 👍 16 🔁 2 💬 1 📌 0

Frodo
Sam
Merry
Pippin

25.02.2026 13:20 👍 6 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 1

Or the YouTube videos titled something like "Clueless American SHOCKS locals by being FLUENT in their language!", and the comments go, "He's using a bunch of stock phrases he memorized, and his pronunciation is almost incomprehensible."

24.02.2026 22:42 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I love when people point out supposed language feats of actors and it's like "Matt Damon speaks fluent Russian in the Bourne movies!", and some native speaker comments "Actually, his Russian is awful and he sounds like a drunk toddler."

24.02.2026 22:35 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

"Why does half the universe look like California?"

24.02.2026 22:32 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

It also handily explains why Banderas/Ahmed speaks English/"Norse" with an accent.

24.02.2026 22:27 👍 15 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I can honestly say that I'd rather rinse out my ear canals with hot vinegar than listen to Senile Racist Grandpa ramble on for two hours about how great he is and how amazing things are in his alternate reality.

24.02.2026 22:19 👍 30 🔁 3 💬 3 📌 0

But don't mind me. I'm a language nerd. My favorite treatment of the issue is the campfire scene in The 13th Warrior, which also effectively explained in a minute why they all continue speaking the same language.

"How did you learn our language?"

"I LISTENED!"

24.02.2026 22:11 👍 23 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 2

I mean, and this after the movie, which made a point of Daniel Jackson having to learn the native tongue to enable effective communication. A simple "oh, we have universal translators now" like in Star Trek would have sufficed for the series.

24.02.2026 22:07 👍 12 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Did Stargate SG-1 ever have any explanation for the fact that hundreds of human-descended cultures across the galaxy are speaking perfect American English despite having been shut out of the wormhole network for the last 3,000 years?

24.02.2026 22:02 👍 19 🔁 0 💬 9 📌 0