That isn’t going to change. Neither is holding space in my heart for the pain & fear & trauma from which the ppl I care for speak, even if I cannot hold space for what it is they say. So I fracture, too. Again & again & again. We are all too isolated from one another, & it is only getting worse.
I have always been anti-war. It is one of the few core beliefs that is part of my identity & integral to my worldview, & I am well aware that not everyone is or can be like me. But there is no way my heart can ever be one that supports war. I cry when I see footage of bombings. I’m just not for it.
As I’ve said here before, I’ve worked & now live in an area with a large Jewish community & a large Persian community. Many of my close friends & some of my family are from these communities. The fractures within those communities & then w those outside of it are becoming cavernous. My heart hurts.
I feel like it’s October 2023 all over again. People I love & thought I shared values with saying things I find unimaginable, as if they are from another planet, justifying horrors with propaganda I would never have imagined them to believe.
We are fracturing even more, now.
It is hard to bear.
Antizionism isn't antisemitism. The very old notion that Israel secretly controls the U.S. *is.* White supremacists call it "ZOG," "Zionist Occupation Gov't." It's *not* antizionism. Such tired bigotry is most useful to the fascist Israeli regime, which uses it to deflect from its real crimes.
The thing about all these freak AI execs constantly going "our machine may have gained sentience?!" is that they want slaves. That they are ok with slave labor.
And *then* it always, always turns out their latest AI trick actually used slave labor somewhere in the global south.
They're slavers.
I’m 40 so this has literally been the story of my life.
I want off this ride.
Alternatively: “leave something out on a surface that is supposed to be clear & watch him have the biggest meltdown / existential crisis you have ever seen in your life”
I cannot express how much I relate to Princess in this season of The Pitt.
All I want from my professional life is to be quietly good at my job while mostly just talking shit w my work bestie & staring at the one handsome man in my female-dominated workplace but now I’m in charge somehow.
“What causes autism?”
Literally just bookish women like my mom falling for this guy:
This is the point at which I’d trot out my dad, who is tall, muscular, slim, handsome, & has an excellent, well-rehearsed cache of small talk ready to deploy at a moment’s notice & has perfected the non-creepy neutral smile.
“Ask him something about physics.”
I remember the first time I saw a girl haphazardly blow dry her hair & it turned out straight & I was like who is this witch.
White people are trying too hard to have curly hair like sorry girl but you gotta let us Catholics have something ok otherwise all we got is guilt & a weird relationship w bread.
“But you’re so [smart, articulate, fashionable, funny, capable, confident, successful, social] how could that be possible?”
Well you see, none of that has anything to do with my ability to effectively communicate on an interpersonal level & you just think it does bc our society is very shallow.
The temptation to go back to every single person who has sincerely asked, “what is wrong with you?!” & tell them I’m AuDHD & then hand them a white paper on how that impacts my ability to communicate & thus causes psychosocial distress that further alienates me from people despite my best intentions
This is why identification matters
This also explains why all the advice for people pleasers never worked for me. I wasn’t trying to please anyone I was just confused about what I was being asked because despite being Good At Words & having a Nice Voice, I do in fact have a communication disability 🙃
TBF this also worked in the other direction. “Can you do this thing?” Why yes, I am capable of doing that thing. *Thing now becomes my exclusive responsibility & now I am on a committee & have no idea how this happened*
Looking back I most definitely could have been written up for insubordination & I now see why I had problems with some very aggressive & authoritarian leaders in the past. Like I wasn’t trying to be a smartass I just honestly thought I was being asked not told & gave an honest answer.
Before I realized I was AuDHD I once looked my principal in the eye & told him I didn’t have the bandwidth to do something when he asked me if I *could* do. He was shocked & asked what I meant. I said I’m tired & this isn’t important right now so I can’t do it. I thought he was actually asking 😂
I’m too tired for world war three someone wake me up when it’s over.
1967 - Dystopian Sci-fi novel, Don’t Create The Torment Nexus published
1974 - Cult classic BBC mini series
1997 - BBC remake
2002 - Hollywood movie, upbeat ending added
2019 - Nexcon - A Torment Company IPO’s, $324 Billion market cap
2026 - Polymarket bets on who will be tormented next
It’s going to take decades of men in reeducation camps to fix whatever the fuck this is.
I did the Mentally Healthy™️ things last night and slept a bit better so congratulations me.
I don’t know what to make about this. It’s clear that this is not going to generate real accountability or change. At the same time I do hope it helps some people process the immense grief of a small town losing so many children.
ground.news/article/open...
I once sent a Judith Butler apology email to a prof I’d gotten into an argument w about one of their essays. I don’t know what it says about me that I have lived this meme.
This entire second act of Trump Country has been a non-stop honours seminar for better or for worse.
He reminds me of his dad a lot wrt to his when he gets very logical & then the lack of logic on top of the unnecessary harm makes him even more frustrated.
