It is 2005. I have acquired Ozzy’s “Down to Earth” album. I will painstakingly transcribe the lyrics in a marble composition book. I am the coolest person alive.

Wondering if it would count as self care to get a trashy Eagles tattoo if they win the Super Bowl. #eaglesnfl

Do you follow the Birds or is it just the Philly connection?

#camnewton looks like the villain from a Beyblade movie.

Stayed up past my dog’s bed. Knew I goofed when I looked over and he was mean mugging me.

Run would be flat out retreat, evade more like dodge?

Only certain franchises. Obviously, if Leyland coached there, you get to burn one.

Yo my tummy hurts.

Fight! Run (which not enough people take)! Evade!

My wife is watching the Giants Hard Knocks and how that GM is still working is beyond me.

Go Birds!

The #phillies are scouting Scherzer but don’t have a closer locked down.

Somewhere, Dombrowski is sitting in a dark room, nodding. It’s all coming together, he whispers to himself.

Sloppy Joes from a blender.

First snow my boy has seen and he’s not a fan.

Shut down the state

It’s not a crime to punch a Nazi.

Emergency closure plans for tomorrow: paint minis and watch Lord of the Rings.

This is Dog. Dog is my half-orc fighter for an upcoming #ad&d campaign. Dog has a charisma of 6.

Boy dinner is just a stick of butter eaten like a candy bar.

Starting the morning with

Baby’s first #ad&d halfling

Take out a small business loan of 30 million to grow your brand.

GO BIRDS #eagles

Lovely color

Last night was one of Grandma Max’s soups (pronounced zoop, coming down very hard on the z)

Even for Yankees fans that was a shitty move. What dingdongs.

I was pretty steamed at Hoffman’s performance in the offseason but they can’t afford to lose more bullpen arms. #phillies

I don’t think I’ve ever had a positive experience with a Lexus owner.