Therapy is just paying someone to connect dots I aggressively avoided
04.03.2026 20:50
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Bitches love dresses with pockets
It’s me, I’m bitches
02.03.2026 23:36
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Me: no one will know that I bought this shirt for $5
*gets a compliment*
Me: THANKS IT WAS $5
03.03.2026 00:14
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Just because you don’t require much doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve the bare minimum
02.03.2026 02:54
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I wish you the best*
*bare minimum
01.03.2026 18:27
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Pet loss is so hard
01.03.2026 18:05
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Emotionally I’m that shopping cart with one broken wheel
01.03.2026 17:02
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I’m not having a Baja blast
I’m having a Baja hard time
28.02.2026 15:06
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Touching grass didn’t work but smoking grass definitely did
28.02.2026 00:21
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My spirit animal is a squirrel in traffic
26.02.2026 22:26
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Living in Nebraska be like: If I disappear just assume my car fell into a sinkhole
26.02.2026 21:51
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I don’t want a soulmate. I want a co conspirator
26.02.2026 21:42
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I knew you would.
26.02.2026 02:12
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*screams*
Know what I mean?
26.02.2026 02:08
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Megz stands for
Manic
Adorable
Great in many ways
Zillion times funnier in person
26.02.2026 02:07
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You have to mix your downers with an upper
25.02.2026 23:16
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I mean the best ideas come from sitting on the toilet
25.02.2026 22:45
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Hi, can I trade in my responsibilities for being fed fruit snacks in a cage?
That sounds way more fun.
25.02.2026 22:44
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You never know where I’m skeeting from
25.02.2026 22:43
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Sitting here trying to spell tounging and it wants to auto correct to you hung 😂
25.02.2026 22:40
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Just tounging the rim of a margarita glass
25.02.2026 22:40
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My post game is far superior to my reply game
25.02.2026 20:20
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Of course I did
25.02.2026 14:24
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I like men but replace en with ental stability
24.02.2026 21:36
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I am not saying cum for daddy
I also am not not saying it
24.02.2026 02:11
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I feel like that is a very, very accurate description.
24.02.2026 02:08
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I do not have a pocket full of sunshine. I have a pocket full of condoms and lube.
24.02.2026 01:40
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him: cum on this dìck 😋
me: i really want to but you not making me 😫😭
24.02.2026 00:55
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And for the lady, perhaps the tongue + finger combo
24.02.2026 00:54
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"T as in Tom?" No, T as in tonight will be the night that I will fall for yewww.
24.02.2026 00:47
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