Remarkable bit of futureproofing with the P Diddy line…
19.02.2026 13:41
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Remarkable bit of futureproofing with the P Diddy line…
A picture of me doing stand-up comedy in front of a rainbow background and wearing my second-favourite dinosaur jumper, with the message "Nuts and bolts. Why limit visits to World Book Day? I’m available pretty much all the time. I think I’m best suited to Years 3-6. I live in Cambridge but can drive. Vroom vroom! I’m not putting what I charge on here because it seems vulgar, but it’s very reasonable. Email me! Happy to do smaller sessions, but might go a bit peculiar by the third. Delighted to sign books, send followup messages, keep in touch etc. Email mikerampton@gmail.com if interested!"
More details including the exciting revelation that I have a driving licence here.
Page one of a flyer saying "Does your school need a visit from Mike Rampton? That’s me! I’m the author of fun, funny non-fiction books for kids and am available for school visits and entertaining talks. Consider getting me in, I’m very good."
The message "Look ay my books! There's SO MCUH stuff in them to talk about!" with the covers of four books I wrote: There's No Such Thing As A Silly Question, Become A Genius In A Year, Solve The World's Greatest Mysteries and Poo! What? Where?
A picture of me, a scruffy middle-aged author, gesticulating while doing a speech. The message says: "I'll talk about: Poo, space, pooing in space, really huge things, how to be an author, spiders I’ve met, using your genius for good (not evil) and being sick. And lots more! I might also do some clumsy magic tricks, put a bucket on my head for a while and/or transform a tea towel into a chicken. And I might shriek a bit. It’s all good stuff."
Picture of me looking smug in a school near a poster advertising my visit. Message reads "I've done a bunch. I'm quite good! This means the awkward, difficult ones (like my ill-fated attempts at playing a character inspired by 1970s wrestlers) are hopefully consigned to the past. I sweat a lot and gesticulate too much but generally hold it together by this point. The kids will laugh, learn and be excited about books: a good time for all!"
TEACHERS, LIBRARIANS ETC. I am available for school visits around World Book Day or, in fact, pretty much any time. I insist on the nastiest staff-room coffee available.
JOB(S) ALERT
We're looking for TWO new members for the editorial team - send your application to editorial@the-fence.com.
Screengrab of the Wikipedia page for Bully, the forthcoming album by Ye (Kanye West) on January 30th 2026 - this coming Friday.
It would be astonishingly crass, wouldn’t it? (I know he messes around with release dates and the like constantly; and I’m not taking Wikipedia as gospel, but…)
Especially strange that we’ve both picked quite American words for *that* – ones I can’t imagine we’d have ever heard in a phallic context at that age…?
A three panel comic strip I drew aged 8, plagiarising a Garfield comic. PANEL ONE: Pecker PANEL TWO: Pecker, a very badly drawn chicken, approaches a figure obscured by a music stand. Asks “What are you doing?” PANEL THREE: The obscured figure says “Learning the trombone” Presumably the comic went on because I Have sketched out a fourth empty panel - and “Learning the trombone” doesn’t seem like a punchline.
Here’s one - with a bit of a horns section theme for Pete (I think I must have missed off the punchline though, so don’t judge Jim Davis too harshly)
A couple of days ago I found an old primary school jotter we were given for “wet days” (plain notepad for when rain stopped us going out into the playground). All I used it for was plagiarising Garfield three panel strips, redrawing them with my own character - a chicken called Pecker.
Always been brake lights and motorways round our way.
Cowardly to only bring it up now he’s dead, but I - like many - was floored when I first discovered that the Driving Home For Christmas guy is (/was) from Middlesbrough. But he actively tricked us. “Top to toe in tail-lights”? “But soon there’ll be a freeway”? Mugged us all off. Anyway, RIP.
Haha! Hello! This story has been so much better than any of the widgets, gadgets and plug-ins designed to help find Twitter mutuals…
For context, that was from the time Walliams hosted the Presidents’ Club Dinner – an event so egregiously grubby the entire charity closed down after the Financial Times reported on how its guests conducted themselves at the event www.ft.com/content/075d...
>> Where's Walli? << Reputation management David Walliams was on hand to host the controversial Presidents Club soiree last week. Why on earth the organisers thought that the famed BBC light entertainer would be a suitable choice for the event is anyone's guess - but we'd better tread lightly when discussing this. The last time we wrote about Walliams, we got a rather curt letter from his publishers, HarperCollins, suggesting that we'd maligned their client's good character and were "highly likely to cause serious harm to David's reputation both as an individual and author" Might we humbly suggest that if he is so concerned about his reputation as an individual and author, he should refrain from offering Britain's premier sex pests the chance to be name-checked in his next children's book? Just a thought.
(Something we enjoyed making clear in follow up stories over the years…)
To reiterate a point, because I think the distinction is important: the legal letter we received was from HarperCollins, not Walliams. bsky.app/profile/sara...
By the way, the episode of Would I Lie To You? featuring the episode where David Walliams reportedly did two Nazi salutes (which the BBC edited out and said were unacceptable) will be on BBC One on Boxing Day at 7pm.
David Walliams was born David Williams, but had to change his name when he joined Equity because they already had a David Williams on their books: an actor who regularly appeared on ChuckleVision.
Not what spurred on the legal letter, but a fact I’ve always enjoyed…
Haven’t felt festive all month. Now I’m brimming over with love and goodwill to all*
* excl. litigious sex menaces
As a former editor of Popbitch – and the proud owner of a legal letter sent by HarperCollins, accusing me of being "highly likely to cause serious harm to [their former star client]’s reputation both as an individual and author” – may I just say: GET IT RIGHT UP YE
None needed! I didn’t make much of a thing of it when I went (keeping the whole operation shrouded in secrecy, etc) but my reign of blighting inboxes is over…
Haha. Not me, I’m afraid. I handed in my badge at PB late last year. But I’m probably owed some residual scorn for previous horrors - so I’ll take it…
If he doesn’t, it’s not for lack of trying… www.bbc.com/news/newsbea...
London Slang includes phrases like “Llow it” (allow it)
Good news is that it still seems to be prominent locally
I’ve heard him talk about it in various places. A summary of one podcast interview he gave is here pagesix.com/2017/03/02/r... I think some of the specifics are discussed in this New Yorker profile. www.newyorker.com/magazine/201...
Ryan Murphy talks about the problems he faced with his first series Popular. Execs making him tone down dialogue, cutting a fur coat from a costume because fur coats were “code for gay” - only wanting gay characters to be tragic (suffering illness or torment, etc)
I seem to remember Patrick Stewart telling a story about his time teaching at Santa Cruz, where Tom Lehrer also taught a module in American Musical Theatre. One Friday they all put on a lunchtime production of Guys And Dolls with Stewart in one of the leads and Lehrer playing. Imagine catching that.
I took precisely one singing lesson in my youth and absolutely hated it. But I will remain forever grateful for that hour, because the singing tutor introduced me to Tom Lehrer. youtu.be/WSwYID-u71M?...
(Not this particular song, I hasten to add - but it’s a fun one that often gets overlooked…)
It’s surprisingly easy to do.
Marcy, no! Everything She Wants. Ray Of Sunshine. Club Tropicana. Bad Boys. They barely had a duff track.
I think I know the answer already but Thank Goodness You're Here is a tenner on Steam this weekend.
It's worth it, no?
store.steampowered.com/app/2366980/...