HMI Bird

I'm aiming at SpongeBob in Fortnite

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.

What do you mean “avatar is CGI”

Imagine my expression when the first question I get during Avatar is: “is this CGI?”

Edited far side cow tools cartoon. A cutout photo of Veronika the brown cow stands behind a table with a push broom on it. Caption reads "cow tools".

Veronika, our queen 👑 🐮

GREAT NEWS! The doctor says my severe respiratory issues aren’t from COVID but because I've been filling my CPAP machine with Arizona Green Tea.

Date: How'd you lose your finger?

(Flashback to drunk me trying to get the Kirby amiibo I dropped into the garbage disposal)

Me: I'm in the Yakuza.

This holiday weekend, please take a moment to remember those less fortunate, like the board gamers who thought Decrypto would be easy to teach their family since it’s “basically Codenames”...

Fresh Korean HMI alert

Rip Claude

Demonstrating how much I hate those Calvin Peeing stickers by getting a sticker of Calvin peeing on a smaller Calvin Peeing sticker.

If you’re into board games, I’m sorry

i think that people who use headphones in public places like trains are selfish. keeping all your cool music and podcasts to yourself is genuinely sociopathic and deranged behavior. play it on your phone's speaker and let everyone enjoy it, or don't play it at all

I played through the first Time Crisis via MAME with a mouse and it was fun and in some cases ABSOLUTE CINEMA.

just got a message from my DoorDash driver that said I am definitely not doing something to your pizza right now

A woman standing in her kitchen. She is taking a photo of herself and her boyfriend who is just a circulatory system. The text reads: It is November 10th now. Your circulatory system boyfriend stands by your pan in the kitchen. Unattended cooking is the number one cause of home fires. There are more home fires on Thanksgiving than any other day of the year. Always stand by your pan.

Today.

colleges are a lot like beers, in that it doesn’t really matter which one you pick. they’re all equally good and indistinguishable from one another

ask your doctor if committing to the bit is right for you

There is a fake tweet circulating about me saying I will “netdeck Mono Blue decks” if my opponent wins. This is not true. If my opponent wins I will oppose the results due to rampant cheating (removal, boardwipes) while keeping my dignity in tact.

You know that one clock you keep forgetting to adjust so that weeks or even months after the time change it still shows the wrong hour? That's how I still have so many followers.

Potato gremlin

Someone should do a mythbusters engineering to find out how fast you'd have to launch a sandwich to actually kill a person at various ranges.

LONDON (AP) — Buckingham Palace says King Charles III will strip Prince Andrew of remaining titles including “Andrew”, curse him to wander the Earth as “the nameless one”

The original Far Side Cow Tools Cartoon by Gary Larson. A cow stands on its hind legs behind a table, staring blankly at the viewer from behind its heavy brow ridge. On the table are four crudely made tools: a lump, a lump with an offset crooked handle, a long stick with hooked prongs at the end, and a crude handsaw with irregular teeth. In the background a barn sits on a hill. Caption reads, "Cow tools."

43 years ago today, readers the world over opened their newspapers and gazed upon cow tools for the first time. happy birthday cow tools. you look great.

Me driving home knowing there won't be a second date but at least now she knows which board games I think are totally overrated.

Lol my friggen dad. What a guy

I believe in energy, electricity, magnetism

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking?

Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but