Ruth Burger

I don't like the person I become when looking for a parking space.

👏👏👏👏🧨🎆

The Ottoman Empire sounds like it would be the comfiest

Yes. It's about boundaries.

do you ever follow someone and think wow they’re really funny and cool i think i’d like to watch them through their kitchen window

I found this. Feel free to leave your thoughts.

Going to start a secret life. Shhhh, its a secret.

Here it is... it's all an inside job. Except when it's not. So, when it's not an inside job, it's a neighbor. But if it isn't, then it's the boyfriend. And if not, it's random.

You're welcome.

Here it is... it's all an inside job. Except when it's not. So, when it's not an inside job, it's a neighbor. But if it isn't, then it's the boyfriend. And if not, it's random.

You're welcome.

I see you sitting alone and admire you for avoiding people.

Me..I know things while choosing not to know things.

waking up to another marvelous day of ahhh fuck

I live somewhere between playing my cards right & not playing with a full deck.

I'm an internet detective, amateur sleuth with an investigative degree from Dateline.

Taurus: Live fast, die young, and leave a deeply confusing browser history.

Screaming "epiphany" every time I have a thought.

I feel like one of the most underrated explanations for what's happening right now in global politics is that almost everyone has lost their minds.

When I started college, they asked if I had an email account. I said no, I have Bank of America.

Lock your doors. I don’t want to have to worry about you.

Damn that tall fella!!

My seasonal tradition: sip soup, sear mouth, pretend I’m fine. Now all I need is the cooler weather to stop flirting and finally settle down.

arguing with my doctor about a body part that i made up

That weird space left by a deleted word is where I live

Whenever I feel unprepared for retirement, I glance at my big vodka bottle filled with loose change and sigh with relief.

Cloudy with a chance of brain fog.

If I had been born male, I would have had an enormous penis

For more quality content, you'll have to follow other people.

Letting myself go, like it’s my job

I’m starting to think those bitches on Facebook did not pray for me

all cars are bumper cars if you simply don’t give a fuck