bitch lasagna (american hole wizard)

It's a 2017 Chevrolet Volt. So, not quite a space ship, but it is a neat little car.

Well good news for you, you only have to wait… another year and a half for season 3!! 🙄

If anyone working on Severance sees this, I have a pro-tip for you:

You are supposed to wrap a series before all of your actors either retire or die of natural causes.

What do you intend on performing? I need to know in advance so that I can determine whether or not I will be booking yoi

I have cold and so basically i think that means I’m going to die soon so share this for a chance to win an invite to my funeral!

Homosexuality

a woman says i don t know her in a purple background ALT: a woman says i don t know her in a purple background

Normal?

(to say nothing of the fact that there are almost 300 lb-ft of torque from a dead stop in this car and i may or may not...take advantage...of that fact)

You know, given it’s the dead of winter in Wisconsin I can’t actually be mad at this

- Refusing to recognize the key in my pocket and setting the alarm off
- Also refusing to start until i did the procedure for a dead key battery
- Refusing to shut off properly once it was started (my personal favorite!)
- No heated seats

What fun. We do love technology.

oh, and extra fun fact: When the 12V battery in a plug-in hybrid starts to die, it does not manifest in a normal way (e.g. the engine just refusing to start bc the high voltage battery handles that), instead it acts like it has dementia, doing super fun things like (continued):

It seems happy… for now.

Me: “well ok then, what do you have in stock for my size”

(Admittedly very hot) Discount Tire employee: [lists off two expensive brands of tires]

Me: *sigh* I guess put two of the Yokohamas on then.

The tires were only 3 years old and not anywhere near needing to be replaced 🙃

Started Saturday planning on spending $200 on new TPMS sensors. Ended the day having spent an additional $500 on two new tires (one of them decided to threaten to explode) and $250 on a 12V battery (thanks, Wisconsin).

Feeling poor rn tbh

It’s discrimination. They’re only making me come in because I’m gay.

Honestly, I’m contacting the ACLU on my lunch

So anyway I told my boss that I saw on Fox News this morning that Mondays are actually Fake News, but they made me come in anyway 😔

“I love you very much, but you are the biggest pain my ass has ever felt. And I did nothing but bottom for 3 years!”

-Me, talking to my cat last night

Indeed.

Me: “oh I guess I’ll just remote start my car for the full 20 minutes on those mornings”

After two unseasonably warm winters in a row, Mother Nature has decided “nah fuck you though.” (Temperatures in Freedom Units)

Thank you to everyone for horning down the fort while I was too exhausted to be perceived.

What an adventure it is to navigate the full spectrum of the total loss process in a week because a shop decided to be dishonest and write a kill sheet so they didn’t have to work on your car 🙃

All good now

👅

Some people really won’t eat someone else’s food at a pot luck but they will absolutely lick a virtual stranger’s asshole within minutes of meeting them. (It’s me, I’m some people)

Apple Music is trolling me on my station today 😭

also, during the spring/summer/early fall i will basically never have to buy gas.

New car who dis?

I took a badge downgrade, but feature wise this is on par with or better than the Lexus so I ain’t mad.

oh, and it is a premier of course because i am not going from a lexus to GM's economy shit, so i will get to keep my leather, and i'll get a bose sound system, creature comforts you know.

the numbers are all messed up. idc.

This means that addition to the car loan, (which really isn't much), i will also be paying off some of my other high interest debt.

This could've been much worse.

Anyway, on Monday i should hopefully be the proud owner of a 2017 Chevrolet Volt! 😮‍💨

my totaled car JUST got picked up today. on monday i have to go get the new car.

I got a SUPER fair settlement from state farm though (a little over $10K). My car was not in great shape, and my claim handler was quite generous in her value assessment.

(3/4)