Stankloaf

If only there were something Meghan could take that would help her chill out.

Wife: The dog chewing on her paw sounds so annoying.

Me: Just pretend I'm talking and you won't hear a thing!

Did I hear right? They're going to remake The Shield?

Screw this bald-headed fart.

Have never been through the drive-thru and only go to Starbucks at the airport. To me it's like buying alcohol out of the wild, it's a 300% markup

What part of 'the cruelty is the point' are you people not getting? - #GOP

What?! You don't trust the people that make measles great again?

Governed by shitiots.

In the foot photo her name tag says US Army.

Girlfriend just asked me "You know what I hate?" and I thought well, if you tell me what you like you'd just be mute all day.

I'd call him a despicable piece of shit but it's an insult to pieces of shit everywhere.

Wish we were cheering like that right now except for a different person

I hope that poor man doesn't have a stroke and then hang around for another 15-20 years in a nursing home.

Let me guess, he only 'partially' saw this coming?

Thank you I'll be here all week

Nation calls on O'Reilly to find out if there's really an afterlife

Just like a liberal, always pointing out the other side's utter and complete and competence. Smdh

Build your own salad? I did not come on this cruise to get into construction.

LOzl Netflix forced them overpay and now they know how everything at Paramount works.

The second you touch a check-in kiosk at a doctor’s office, your nose will start to itch. It’s science.

Where's cancer when we need it?

Claims the man who once said we would file our taxes on a postcard.

Where’s Cheryl Hines? I mean morally.

That's kinda true

I'm low key tired of the phrase low key.

Well if there's one thing he's known for it's taking other people's advice.🙄

Like toddlers where everything is somebody else's fault

You're an expert? Not so fast. I'm a bigot with an agenda. So we're basically equals.

This list is about as accurate as a Trump statement.

Wishful thinking

Ugh, can't believe I had to write this whole thing.