Neil

Charles Dickens would contradict himself at the best of times.

Crufts is on! #COYD

- What do you think of it so far?

- Ruggish!

World book day today.
My son’s gone as Hagrid.

He’s supposed to be the man from The Joy of Sex books, but his teacher called him Hagrid so…

- I bought my wife an electric guitar for her birthday.

- A fender?

- A bit yeah, she wanted a necklace.

There was no other apparatus free at the gym so I went on that Stair Master thing.

Such Sisyphean torture.

What a horrible experience, they may as well have a slice of cake on string hanging just out of reach above it.

My favourite Irish reggae singer’s probably Pat O’Banton.

I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.

Wow.

There’s one in the train station lost property. That could be it.

Do you think?

Oops, just realised, I've been writing in brackets since June).

I shall also make this.

Many thanks.

Oops upside your head,
say oops upside your head.

Yayy! X

Lovely x

☹️

I thought my wife was joking when she told me she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland.

Then I saw her face,
now I'm in Geneva.

If I won a million pounds the first thing I'd do is put a layer of caramel and chocolate on my shortbread.

I've just realised, there really is a staircase behind our sofa.

All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.

Here we see the Seal Bar, nervously looking around, ever mindful of it's natural chocolate bar predator, The Club.

Here we see the Seal Bar, nervously looking around, ever mindful of it's natural chocolate bar predator, The Club.

It’s Squirrel Appreciation Day.
I have a squirrel joke:

Why did the squirrel sleep on the floor?

Because he forgot about drey.

I’m reading Elvis Costello’s diary.

I’m reading Elvis Costello’s diary.

Thank you x

I once had a girl,
or should I say,
she once had me...

- Oedipus.

… Le Freak, c'est Chic.

… Le Freak, c'est Chic.

It really is.