t ♚

the best part about my “don’t honk at me my dad is dead” bumper sticker is that i forget i have it until i see someone in my rearview reacting to it

an image of bill clinton with the text "donald trump sucked me off??"

bouncing on it in a way that honors coldplay yep yep 🙂‍↕️

why’s it always gotta be crazy style? why don’t y’all bounce on it in a way that honors god

I'm thinking Apple should add a blue tint to the liquid glass and call it "aqua"

not fun being the only bitch serving cunt when nobody else is serving at all 😒

when you’re gorgeous, your problems solve themselves. so if you’re ever having to work to solve a problem, it’s because you’re not pretty enough. never forget that

mary, after being hailed on the first attempt: did you even try??

i love my roomba, because i’ll put it right on top of the fucking rug i want it to clean and it’ll just go straight off and vacuum the concrete around it instead. technology!!

45 minutes into the willow pill show and it still hasn’t started lol

sitting down in my chair in front of my computer at my desk, all of which were manufactured in china, to read the news

trump admin just said companies can put salmonella and prion disease directly into our food and then sell it to us. but i guess we decided this was okay when we let companies force us back to work in-person during a pandemic

as it happens, farming out essential government functions to private corporations was an awful idea. who could’ve seen this coming except everyone

the one saturday i get up early and rush to the gym and it’s the one day they open late. so we’re really all just standing here outside the doors hoping someone comes before our preworkouts wear off

A drawing of a perfect phone that only has three buttons on it, one of them says IS HE DEAD one of them says AM I BROKE and the other one says RELAXING PUZZLE GAME

I invented a new phone to help save time in the morning

tweet of german user with really bad hairline captioned “is it over for me?” in german

just plugged in the air purifier and it turned red

i can tell it’s april fools, this rent is a fucking joke!!!

i can’t stand a “do you have a moment to connect”-ass coworker. what could you possibly have to say to me that you couldn’t just type??

diem’s not gonna carpe itself

men want me
fish want me
i am attractive to multiple species

moving sucks ass but there’s nothing like your first night in a new place ✨

glory to arstotzka

screenshot of an iOS chatGPT integration modal, stating that Adriana was born on January 26 1965 and is 60 years old

screenshot of google results, showing Adriana’s actual age of 59 and actual birthdate of November 26, 1965

i mean i knew chatGPT was ass but it really made up a birthday for her *and* made her a year older! why would anyone use this garbage??

what’s up with people calling other people “humans” now instead of…people

copper* 🙄

really starting to believe that higher-ups in government realized the US is collapsing too fast to be saved, so they’re stripping the cooper out of the walls before it all burns down

“C.R.E.A.M.” Abdul-Jabbar

you’re asking me not to be taken in, and yet you’re defending a situation involving a president not enforcing a ban HE made law and having it preemptively revoked by the president-elect. if it’s BS, why defend it?

to this, you may say “well tiktok saying it doesn’t make it true”, to which i would say “here it doesn’t matter what’s true, it matters what LOOKS true”

why wouldn’t biden enforce a ban he signed into law? also, trump didn’t make it up. nearly 150m americans couldn’t access tiktok last night and the message blamed the law and mentioned attempts to work with trump. today, access has been restored and the message credited trump