I Hide From My Kids

There are two types of middle-aged people: The ones who point out the assholes who drive like maniacs and end up at the same red light anyway and the ones who don’t drive.

Thank you Frazzled!

My Daughter Got Invited to a Sex Party I’ll probably let her go

I sense Sticky Nicki before I even see her. She stumbles like a bear that’s caught their head in the honey pot.

By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/my-...

That pretty much sums it up!

My niece is taking driving lessons and my 10yo with an air of authority declared driving is easy you just push the pedal and call everyone “idiot”.

Thanks Frazzled!

Note to parents: Asking your teen to check if a package arrived does not imply they should also bring it inside. I know this now.

I bet my daughter a quarter that she couldn’t get ready in under five minutes. She won, but I won more.

My kid loves unnecessary abbreviations which is how she ended up telling our neighbour she spent the afternoon jumping on our new tramp.

My Kid’s Friend Doesn’t Want to Play At Our House Anymore It was all part of the plan

The last time my daughter played at Tyler’s house his mom fed them iced tea and candy. My daughter returned amped up like she’d chased a bottle of Adderall with a case of Prime energy drink.

By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/my-...

😈😈

I wanted to put my husband’s birthday presents where he wouldn’t see them so I placed them on the stairs.

Couldn’t agree more!!! 🚩🚩🚩

Introvert: I’ll send you a screenshot on how to do it.

Extrovert: Let’s hop on a call.

Mommy, If Someone Spat in Your Lunch Would You Still Eat It? A Harrowing Choose Your Own Adventure!

"I brace myself, slide my greasy pizza finger along the screen, and answer the call. A small voice belonging to my nine-year-old daughter is on the other end of my tentative hello."

By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/mom...

YES! 👏🤣

Last night I didn’t eat chips before bed and I had a terrible sleep so I think we all know what this means.

Therapist: have you tried meditation?

Me: sure, sometimes when the kids scream my mind goes blank and I float above my body

Therapist: that’s dissociation

Me: potato, potato

Hahaha right???

Are you even a mom if you don’t respond, “Thanks, I showered” in response to a compliment about your hair?

My teen forgot his lunch so I asked if there’s anything he needs to remember to bring to school today and he responded “a positive mindset”. I’m dead.

My Kid’s Friend Isn’t Allowed At Our House Anymore She’s a total narc

We're a bit late, but here is the most-read piece on Frazzled in 2024 by @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social!

medium.com/frazzled/my-...

Oh wow! Thank you!!

“New year, new me” I whisper to myself as I reach for a bottle of tequila instead of wine.

#5 by @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/birth-contro...

Thank you Frazzled!

All I want for the holidays is alone time but surrounded by family, good food that won’t hurt my stomach, late night fun but early to sleep, a white Christmas that’s also warm, and the gift of mortgage forgiveness. Is that too much to ask?

Me: I might buy a SAD lamp
9yo: why don’t you want a happy one?

Momfluencers Are Just Like You… But Better! Now excuse me while I go cry in my car and livestream it

It’s so important that us moms carrying the invisible load take time to declutter our homes and our minds.

By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/mom...

Thanks Frazzled!