Steve is Tired

My McDonald's mobile code the other day was JU88 and I was like come the fuck on.

Cupid is interesting because until I was a parent I didn’t understand the idea of a baby who gets to decide when two people have sex

This feels like a public service, given how often I see these templates used incorrectly.

Best halftime since Prince. No question.

That stupid Brian Krassenstein tweet about rooting for Robert Mueller and the rule of law over the Super Bowl, altered to root for a massive heart attack instead.

We'd have to get them to believe it first.

I love this for you.

read online that someone set-up a premium rate phone number where callers get charged $3.99/ min. then they posted flyers in their neighborhood that said "call this number to report illegal aliens," but the number just puts them on hold with music. so far, they've made $17,000

Cool. Mail order pharmacy shipped my ADHD meds on 1/5 and I just received the package today only to find that it had been tampered with and my meds were gone. On the plus side, I did get to file a complaint with the most feared law enforcement agency in the country: the US Postal Inspection Service

Dave Matthews and Tim Ryenolds playing Neil Young’s Ohio last night and ends with some Rage Against the Machine.

At halftime, I decided to boot up my computer just so I could do this. You're welcome. #NCAAFB #CFP #Doink @sarahspain.com @cjzero.bsky.social

DOINK!

I’m a first grade teacher from #Pennsylvania challenging my firsties to read as much as they can from now until the Super Bowl. I would love to award them these at the end. Please help to #clearthelist

If you 👀 this please repost www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/...
@marawilson.bsky.social

MOBY GOT DICK By Josephine Riesman I hate white whales and I cannot lie You other seamen can't deny When the beast swims by as a pale and eerie sight Spermacetti is your right You get sprung Wanna throw spears well Til you know that the whale's in Hell Oh, Moby I wanna stop goonin' And get harpoonin' My boatswain tried to stop this But that eye you got makes (Me so vicious!) Ooh, Devil’s own whale You say you wanna end my tale? Well, try me, try me Cuz I ain’t no average briney
 I’ve seen him blowin’ To hell with all knowin’ He swim, fin Got it goin’ like a turbo Schwinn I’m tired of novelists Sayin’ orcas are the best Take the average Ahab and ask him why I’ll tell ya I’m not shy So sailors (YEAH!) Sailors (YEAH!) Has your whale-foe got the white? (HELL YEAH!) Tell him to fluke it (FLUKE IT!) Fluke it (FLUKE IT!) Now throw that sharpened stick Moby got Dick

Please don't ask me why my brain works like this, because I don't have an answer

I was able to cancel my hhonors account easily through the chat option in the app on my phone. The agent asked for my reason but otherwise didn't push back on me one bit.

Jesus Effing Christ, Elissa. What utter nonsense to be wasting your time on right now.

Elissa — these aren't LEOs. They're hired goons acting with impunity. They're attacking peaceful protesters, arresting people recording them from a distance, going door to door to rip families apart. This is three orders of magnitude below the amount of pissed off you should be right now.

Man, wait until you find out how they named the hippopotamus.

The Latin for giraffe is camelopardalis, meaning camel-leopard. So you're not as wrong as you think you are.

Solidarity from the "it goes directly in the charity bin the moment a thread comes loose and tickles my wrist" autistics.

one problem with learning is it will make you so angry at how stupid everything is

We haven't seen an Indiana squad turn back an Alabama offense this decisively since Antietam

Would.

Thanks, I hate it.

That's why I stick to Rankine.

Meredith Brooks?

This Song Teaches Counting But Is INSANELY Hard To Count YouTube video by Charles Cornell

Charles Cornell did a great breakdown on how hard this song goes a couple years ago: youtu.be/TMtGImlEmu0?...

Mom said it's my turn to use the cornea.