Ben

Funnel cake and fried mushrooms please, k thanks 🤣

🙋‍♂️

omg ren fest has started I need to go!!!

Somehow I always thought that being on the right side of history would probably feel better than this.

The only thing worse than ‘spring ahead time change monday’ is ‘8 am jury duty on spring ahead time change monday’

Even an amoeba moves away from pain

put my symptoms into WebMD and it said I have a really old joke format

“Not everything has to be transactional,” I explain to my golden retriever

reflecting on child abuse as an adult is so weird, to realize your parents never had a beef with you but took it out on you nevertheless

Click on a sponsored ad for tablecloths and you’ll never be alone again.

chili bound, no beans on this train

She works it 🤣

couple on tandem bike = 2 dui’s

the fifa peace prize used to mean something

I turned off the tv today
I painted flowers
I listened to old playlists
I danced in the kitchen
I made good food
I watched the sunset
I turned off the tv today

when the restaurant takes your online but is actually closed

I replaced my spice jar of bay leaves that expired in 2022.

Can’t wait to cook with the new ones to no discernible effect…

I have reading glasses but when I eat they become feeding glasses.

Yes, I do mind

taco time

Trying on glasses when you need glasses is like trying on clothes but they keep turning the lights down.

I still miss being able to end a call with a nice, definitive slam....

Oh this is my emotional support filet o’ fish

YUMMMMMMM

It’s not bad!

I underestimated cinnamon ice cream

RFK Jr. would’ve been considered unhealthy in the Mad Men office.

a bad pic of tasty chicken katsu curry

I’ve seen enough shirtless photos of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Kid Rock to last the rest of my natural life. At this point, covering up would qualify as a public service. Think of the children.