not enough people are upset about protein soda

a gummy worm on a leaf next to more nature

nature is so beautiful

how do ya'll come here and think this is something that can be solved with voting??? there need to be crowds of people and pitchforks at the very least!!!

The GOP loves sending YOUR kids to fight. Their kids will be at Mar-a-Lago playing golf.

Why is he screaming? I don't have enough booze in the house for this.

hamburger help me

Normalize laughing derisively in men's faces when they deserve it.

the milk is coming from inside the cows

I’m sorry, but if we hold everyone in the Epstein files accountable for their involvement and punish each one for their crimes to the fullest extent, we will begin to collapse a long-standing system that has only given power to elitist excrement and I don’t see a motherfucking problem with this

I like to move it. But I do not like to move it move it. I just like the one move it.

I will also be putting on a half time show but only for my cats

i just saved a bunch of money on my electric bill by being depressed and getting drunk in the dark

*puts on reading glasses*
time to post

I like to do puzzles and tell people off in my mind while I work on them.

in woke 2 we're putting woke in everything. we're renaming it wokelahoma. we're eating fried wokera. we're having a shoot out at the woke-k corral

it’s so annoying how many chores are actually multiple chores. grocery shopping is two chores. doing the laundry is at least three chores. dishes are two chores. it’s insufferable.

To everyone who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library tomorrow..

nobody talks about how the designated drivers were left without water after it was all turned to wine

maybe it would be easier to list who isn’t in the epstein files

Huh. This entire administration is an Epstein Island afterparty.

watching paint dry is actually pretty fun if you’re in a small room with no ventilation

I'm putting together a pot roast for tonight, and you know what's an under rated vegetable?

Parsnips.

It's also fun to say.

Parsnips.

I've got a rutabaga in there as well.

Also fun to say.

Rutabaga.

Anyway, abolish ICE.

If global warming is real, why is my coffee cold?

If you’re feeling extra lonely this weekend, turn off that pop-up blocker, playboy

i wish i could text my cat

Funny how kids want to be adults and adults want to die

Jesus “fell off His donkey for my sins” sounds much more realistic

the only thing getting the dishes done during the winter is the dubbed anime on my phone leaning against a box of salt

when it happens can we have a break from presidents? we as a nation just need to sit down for a bit