A.🌻

The thing is, I got a steak for dinner. I didn’t have an appetite tho, so that’s in the fridge. Ima eat this mac and cheese tho.

Me: why do I have a headache??

Me: *remembers the only thing I ate today was tuna tartare, oysters, deviled eggs, and a smoothie*

DC Folks I'm featuring at the DC Improv this Sunday for Dale Elliott, funny Jamaican comic. 7pm show come see us!

Taco Bell is molding styrofoam cups into the shape of chicken wings and frying em, you cannot convince me otherwise!

That’s the chicken they selling as wings at Taco Bell

She proceeded to slob him DOWN after this. We are in hell.

bsky.app/profile/alex...

No seriously lmao

I finally left bc I could NAWWWWWT take it anymore lmao. But whew. Match made in hell!

He’s been laying it on thick the whole time.

Now it’s “I’m not used to this. Give me some time to warm up.”

Girl lmfao get ready to waste the next 18 months of your life.

Also: bsky.app/profile/alex...

“You give off loving, wife energy. But also be the kind of woman I’d have an affair with.”

Lmfao???????????

She’s not gonna block him. She’s eating up everything he’s saying. Talmbout she has all the qualities of a wife. PLEASE.

I’m in here losing it

I just laughed out loud, PLEASE 😭😭

Please I have TEARS IN MY EYES

I am failing at not laughing PLEASE

Him: I want you to look at me like I’m the sexiest man you’ve ever seen. Like I’m crack

Her: ok *proceeds to look at the TV*

It’s getting WORSER AND WORSER

He’s love bombing tf out of her. In all seriousness I hope she blocks him when she leaves. He is WEIRD.

Screenshot of Tracee Ellis Ross

Him: I’m a good guy, I move at a woman’s pace

Also him: so how did you go 20yrs without giving your husband a blow job??

He just brought up Kevin Samuels lmaooooooo CHECK PLEASE

I can’t get a good look without being obvious but he does have -that- look about him.

Yeen lying.

Him: I’m probably whiter than you are
Her: I’m probably blacker than you are

Pls I’m about to COMBUST trying not to laugh

It’s spooky af over here. Sometimes I think some things only exist online, then shit like this happens.

They were talking about the election earlier and I couldn’t hear everything but I did hear “yay feminism (sarcasm),” so I’m pretty certain who he voted for, or at the very least who he didn’t vote for.

“I like that you don’t get offended by the things I say.”

Girl RUNNNNN.

“Women need men more than men need women. Men are the strongest of the species. If men disappear from earth, everything stops.”

Yall. I’m sitting at the bar listening to the most asinine conversation between a Black man and an and a white woman and it’s taking everything in me not to laugh out loud. I have TEARS in my eyes.

There’s a butter yellow button down in Madewell I’ve been thinking about nonstop for almost two weeks. She is positively perfect for spring and the cut is perfect. *whines*

Hate the grip Madewell and Anthropologie have on me real bad. Why do yall want $150-220 for jeans?? Please.

And I just discovered another store I like, EverEve?? Ima need hall to have some SALES.