The Sweaty Gardener

Ms Minaj will still end up getting deported. Watch.

Me: Nice perineum…
Him: Thanks… It’s Goochi.

Who called it cock cheese and not jizza?

Janet Jackson basically looks like Michael Jackson with a pair of tits.

Which I imagine would be really confusing.

You'd be banging away at her and she be like HEEE HEEEE, OW!

And then once you've cum, she just moonwalks tf outta there.

So is everyone eating turkey?

The bird, not the country.

😂😂 you'd love George 👀

A man called George just followed me.

George has multiple pictures of his dick, posted almost daily, on his profile.

I will not be following George.

Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.

I just ate pizza in bed like the classy bitch that I am.

It’s shit faced Sunday, BITCHES

[awkward first date]

So do you enjoy going for a poo?

I've not seen a woman with big tits since I visited that oversized bird sanctuary.

A woman gave birth at the cinema tonight whilst watching the new Bruce Springsteen movie.

He was....born in the UK, he was born in the...ok that does not work.

When he’s not your type…
but you love him anyway.

It's cold in England today and my balls are lacking adequate insulation.

I've put my finger in worse

Anxena: Worrier Princess

“fuck it like it owes you money”

Monday

Ooo America you in trouble girl

I asked Chat GPT what I should consider as a new career and it said "slut" so I'm hopeful for the future.

This year, I’m bringing a wrestling mat as a side dish to my family's Thanksgiving.

I asked Chat GPT how I could cut down masturbating and it told me to get fucked

I ask the real questions, like

WTF?
WTAF?
and
Why does your mother keep sexually harassing me?

imagine hating me and im just over here getting baked trying to make the internet smile again

the irony of ridiculousness still being on.

Autocorrect typed “pervert” instead of “perfect” on WhatsApp to my chiropractor… so tomorrow’s appointment is going to be interesting.

Don't mean to brag but I'm taller than Tom Cruise

Looking at pictures of women in the 80s and wondering why they all looked like Brian May with tits.

Started drinking water out of a wine glass and now I smash my daily goal like some sort of reverse Jesus effect.

I've never been called pretty and never been called ugly. Does that make me pretty ugly?