Larry King in the Bardo

...Afternoon, gang! Fun fact: The late Ralph Bunche lived entirely on Corn Chex. He was crazy for the stuff...

...Fun facts about showbiz greats: Elaine Stritch once knocked out Marvin Hagler with a right-hand lead. He never saw it coming...

...As far as I'm concerned, and this is just my opinion, people shouldn't commit ritual murder for profit...

...I don't care what anybody says, those styrofoam packing peanuts are practically useless as an instrument of self-defense...

...To some, Joe Valachi was a cold-blooded killer. But to me he was just my kids' "Violent Uncle Joe"...

...Plus I understand you have to put down a deposit. Sure, it's refundable on 24 hours notice, but still. Where's the trust?...

...I miss the days when you could get a guy smacked around on one day's notice. Now I'm told you have to reserve weeks in advance...

...and say, did you know Buddy Greco worked summers maintaining armored assault vehicles for the Revolutionary People's Liberation Party?...

...In fact, a lot of popular song stylists have revolutionary roots. Both Tony Sandler and Ralph Young taught small arms for the EZLN...

...A lot of people don't know this, but my old pal Bob Goulet fought with the Shining Path guerillas under the name "El Souffle Grande"...

....I've always been an insomniac, gang. At least since the night I accidentally backed into Dr. Phil in the schvitz at The Friars...

...Drove all the way to Long Beach for TED, gang. Then I found out it has nothing to do with my friend Ted Knight. It's a long drive back...

...Monday I'll be talking to Dr. Phil Lazaro, author of "How To Lose Weight In The Coming Global Depression." It's a great read...

...Gotta be honest -- I don't care for Egyptians or Shriners, but I look incredibly good in a fez. It just flatters me, that's all...

...Correction, gang, and apologies: Steve Buscemi wasn't the original bass player for Cameo. It was the Dazz Band...

...Betcha didn't know: My old pal Steve Buscemi was the original bass player for Cameo...

...If you're looking for a hydraulic device to drive fasteners into drywall, it's hard to beat a nail gun...

...Keep your Viagra, gang. When I want to romance my lovely wife Shawn, all I need is a sixer of Red Bull and an aluminum stepladder...

...The kids call it "going off the grid," but in my day it was plain old "passing out under Vic Damone's pool table for three days"...

...This food truck craze is nothing new, gang. My pal Joyce Van Patten had one back in the '70s. But all it sold was Malort shots. It was a bad, bad idea...

...I once asked Phil Jackson why he used to dog it downcourt when he was a player. He gave me a suspender wedgie I can still feel...

...I never cared for Mother Teresa. We had history. Don't ask...

...Tonight on Live it's the new duo of Daryl Hall & Joyce Carol Oates. This one's a bad, bad idea...

...People say club soda is good for getting out tough stains. You know what also works? An old man's bitter tears...

...It's my two cents: It'd be tough to live as a slave under a race of super-intelligent cyborgs. Especially if they had laser eyes...

…Great show coming on Monday! I'll be talking to Sheriff Joe Arpaio about his next move, and it may surprise you. (One-word hint: Branson!)…

...and he did it singing "If Ever I Would Leave You" the whole way. At least I think he was singing. He may just have been screaming in terror...

...Betcha didn't know: My pal Bob Goulet set the international land speed record at Bonneville Salt Flats when he was 71...

...And we'll round it all off on Friday, when celebrity metalworker Jed Topper shows me how to fashion a crude jerrycan out of scrap metal. I'm told it's tops for foraging the Wasteland...

...Thursday it's a panel of pawnbrokers discussing which common household goods can be hocked for quick cash. Plus songstress Lainie Kazan!...