Gerry

i prefer my dutchie from the right hand side if you please

I’m magic

Everybody looked so I flipped the bird

you shouldn’t care about it because they might be coming for you next, you should care that they’re coming for anyone at all

I’m less approachable in real life.

I bet if I sexted with that asteroid I could make it come pretty fast

as the worm u-turns, bureaucrats scurry

I’m tired of giving friendly advice. I’m going to start offering violent alternatives

When I told you I was a catch, I left out the word missed.

Hope is like buying a new thinwalled wine glass

If you catch me on the right day, I can make any room a panic room.

Would it kill Alexa to ask about my day once in a while?

costco should sell tiny robots that roll fat blunts

I want my obituary photo to be a pop-up picture.

the drones are back in town

I should’ve went to bed a long time ago-me every night

Tornados are just goth sneezes

I can't throw away shoe boxes. Does anyone else have this problem? #GenX

We should all collectively agree to take our pants off and relax.

Keep it close.. nobody needs to know everything…

I’d cross many social media apps for you

Jim Morrison was right, people are strange.

Naps are underrated as an art form.

Boss: You gotta stay positive!

Me: I’m positive I have no interest in being here today.

bundt cake combines two of my favorite things, baseball and cake

Thank fuck I'm not for everyone.

(looking at menu) is the Baja freshly blasted?

I come here specifically to laugh at the hypocratic posts.

none of the things transforming my life have turned me into a deadly robot semi truck and it’s bullshit.

metallica’s “nothing else matters” hit my car’s speakers hard today and honestly, it fixed me.