An outstanding warrant for my arrest has been downgraded to an above average warrant.
06.03.2026 22:34
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An outstanding warrant for my arrest has been downgraded to an above average warrant.
Gang, are we still doing the Naratu run toward Area 51 today? There’s a bighorn sheep watching me stretch and it’s making me uncomfortable
Bananas Foster is Australian for Bananas Beer.
The “Scary Movie 6” trailer certainly was scary.
wearing my friday fat jeans. please respond.
my pinned post is the welcome mat for all my imaginary friends
Wipe Your Feet
ya know what my problem is?
seriously someone tell me
People say they want the "hard truth." No, they don't. They want a soft, warm, cuddly lie that's been pre-chewed for easy swallowing.
—The hard truth is for people who've run out of novocaine.
with congestion pricing, is it still possible to be caught between the moon and new york city
If you're lousy at spreading mortar, you might as well throw in the trowel.
I don’t think it’s fair that we can’t be skinny and healthy by eating bacon every day
The desperate attempt at humor will continue until the world is no longer so heartless and grim my god it is so grim
Adam Driver as the next Bond
This can't be the same brain that knew all the channel numbers
Weird how when I set aside marginal ideas to ‘marinate’ they seldom get any better, they typically just get soggy.
oh noooo i misplaced my thesaurus im feeling disoriented, lost, adrift, discombobulated, bewildered, unsettled, perplexe- oh wait there it is nvm
If the first astronaut to land on the sun doesn't say "Mission Control, I am now walking on sunshine and don't it feel good," they should not even bother.
there should be a “hiding in a nebula” in real life
I still remember screwing up on my first day at McDonald's. I thought that the ketchup went on the hamburger. Fortunately a kind coworker told me how to smear it all over the bun and the wrapper.
As if your headache isn't bad enough now there's teeny tiny words on the label of the painkiller that you have to labor to read when you want to know the dosage.
Is it normal to see a pink coffee cup singing the praises of decaf? The plaid rhinos say it is, but I don't trust them.
one time i sneezed and got 22 "bless yous" so yea, i guess you could say im pretty religious
I make up in my head how someone feels about me and believe it.
What does it mean if your farts open a portal to Hell?
baja blast bidets
not to brag but I can tie a cherry stem using only my cherry stem tying machine
I listen to sports talk radio while doing my morning arabesques.
My truck is 20 years old. I refuse to grease the cruel wheels of capitalism. Also, I have no $
Is it markwaynes or markswayne
I’m not playing, I am legit hard to get.