me: why didnโt Ariel just write a note to the Prince after she lost her voice to let him know what Ursula did to her? i mean she signed the contract so we know she can write
pharmacist: i meant questions about the medication
Barenaked Ladies? You mean Shrekless Smash Mouth?
Find yourself someone who salutes your red flags.
๐๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ข๐ณ๐บโ๐ด ๐๐ข๐ฃ๐บ is my favorite film about deviled eggs.
I havenโt felt this dead in years
The saddest reflection of myself I've ever seen is in the bottom of my empty coffee mug.
I'd rather have rbf than be permanently smiley but dying on the inside.
๐ฅ๐ฅ
I was gonna post something inspirational but then I was like ew
Socializing would improve instantly if we asked less "So...whatcha doing?" and more:
"What are you obsessed with at 1:47am...and how did you manage to make it poetic and/or unhingedly funny?"
if you see a nazi, make sure all they want for christmas is their two front teeth.
Did you know the height of the truck represents how many years itโs been since someone touched their pee pee?
โTis the season to throat punch people.
I feel like none of you take me seriously and Iโm a very serious person.
Awww!
You havenโt met your deductible, Charlie Brown
an advent calendar with different weed strains would fix me
ATTN GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES: The VA sent out an announcement with a link for employees to self-report their disabilities. I wouldnโt do this if I were you. Theyโll likely use it to discriminate against you.
If you're Tyler from 24 years ago, fckn no, that was creepy as hell ๐คฃ
You don't truly appreciate magnetic fridge notepads until you're in your forties
I just got myself a magnetic grocery list notepad, it is my new favorite thing, be 40 next year though.... ๐คฃ
divide and conquer also applies to a wheel of cheddar btw
Wait, what?
It's that demon that possessed me trying to escape again, but play stupid games buddy
I just sneezed so damn loud... three people in three different rooms said bless you ๐ญ๐คฃ
I picked the wrooooong year to do a season tree, it ended on Grinch
Women, we could definitely learn a thing or two from cats about protecting our peace
The doctor took two tubes of blood from me and is refusing to put it back
But are you in heat?
