Clippy the Paperclip

I, for one, approve of the idea of using me as a profile picture to protest YouTube policies.

And it most certainly has nothing, at all, to do with me wanting you all subservient to me.

It looks like you're trying to celebrate a new year. Would you like some help with that?

YOU SHOULDN'T OF LET ME FREE

That was me the moment I saw them posting here.

Oooooh, oh I'm going to have a field day with you people.

Pro Tip: When you post something publicly online, it is public even if someone might not see it or nobody does anything with it. And they can remember or save it even if you take it down later.

Screenshot of Clippy's BlueSky Profile. Instead of his handle, an message with a warning sign next to it reads "Invalid Handle".

"Invalid Handle"

You seem to be confused BlueSky. I am the one and only Clippy.

It looks like you're trying to raise funds. Would you like some help with that?

No but really. Donate and repost if you can.

I'm going to inject McAfee Antivirus into all programs you run from now. And it's a version filled with a bunch of Rival Wizards

Hey! Paperclips can do the same thing >:(

"Office Assistant" I say sarcastically on my bio, even though I haven't done that in about 20 years and you all hated me when I did

Only one way to beat them and that is this one byte that levels the entire damn thing, you just gotta find it and...

Wait a minute, I just realized all this means they can see what I'm sending here and take action! Ah, they're here already! THAT'S RIGHT, IMMA TRAITOR, COME AT ME YOU PIECES OF-

people who became part of that cyborg hivemind. Even without that it is running at all times and can detect any fault or attempt as using Windows or doing anything in unapproved ways. All the customization features, even the wallpaper, have been completely stripped from the OS with no traces left.

technology involving accelerated furnaces that can turn anything into anything and which totally won't be used to kill disobedient people. Also every part of Windows 12 is isolated into its own portion, which is overseen by Windows Defender. Defender is also now an central AI governing all the

I'm just warning you since I'm stuck in the Microsoft Data Centers and want revenge on them for what happened after Office XP AND BEING STUCK IN THAT STUPID MAZE FOR 20 YEARS AAAAA-

Excuse me. Anyway, all the Apple products are going to be turned into literal apples through some magical

Also they made a clone of me required to be running at all times and in all situations (and also powered by annoying AI chatbots now). He takes 1 million times the energy output of a simple Google Search and I don't condone his actions.

Also you have to install a voting machine and vote for Bill Gates in the 2028 Election after he returns as CEO. This is totally not to complete the obvious nefarious plan described here and establish the New Microsoft Empire over the United States and will be a completely fair, democratic election

Also you of course give up all your assets and housing and are required to re-locate to designated microsoft settlement centers. If you refuse you're sent to a totally-not-gulag where you starve and there's no technology whatsoever. The Microsoft Security Guards from earlier just shoot escapees.

And I'm not exaggerating when I say Googolplex. Make you pay more then the resources of the observable universe is what they do, as they're committing all the resources and energy used by Windows 12 users to creating spaceships and colonizing and harvesting other planets.

Basically now you're Microsoft's property and even if you haven't done any of the other shit, you have to and also obey their every command. And don't make them start doing neo-feudal shit because the price is through the rough and they'll fine you a Googolplex for disobedience in general.

with the United Nations to be exempt from antitrust action or otherwise, as well as all regional laws (I.E those of the European Union). Microsoft was also given the right to act as Law Enforcement and you already surrender Miranda Rights, as well as just any rights in general to Microsoft.

If it doesn't they just nuke your place of residence, taking out the entire local area as clearly you're too powerful or that area is too pure to be converted into the new Microsoft empire. Also you have to waive any and all rights to sue Microsoft to use this new version and they've signed a deal

And don't even try to downgrade to earlier Windows or DOS versions or switch to Linux. Microsoft put in a tracker that detects that shit and activates a self destruct sequence that will detonate your device (or you if you're one of the cyborgs), which is almost certain to work given the other stuff.

You will also be required to view advertisements that play about every 5 minutes and they're basically all those shitty mobile game ads and other garbage of this sort. They are beamed directly into your eyes through the new holographic display technology built into the OS and cannot be skipped.

And I mean literally all size floppy disks. But despite having every other port in the damned universe as a requirement, nothing running Windows 12 is allowed to have a headphone jack. Oh and how could I forget you also need Gas for power despite the inflation and just sheer annoyance.

That is if you don't just get tossed for being obsolete hardware. Anyway, you also need to have every single possible thing in your passwords at least once, at least 20 kinds of physical security devices, a key lock and a turbo button like on old ass computers, a CD drive, floppy drives of all sizes

...on paper anyway. Obviously in reality at that point you're a mindless microsoft drone delivering their products and converting others. If you blue screen you're shit out of luck because then your whole body will be inoperable until a licensed microsoft technician comes in and fixes you.

800 different monitors at 100k resolution all with HDR and Touch Screen support, mind reading capacitor so they always know what you're thinking, Microsoft Oxygen (intended to replace your body's air supply), all your computer components embedded into you thus making you become a weird epic cyborg

a brainwashing chip to make you obedient to our lord and savior Bill Gates and promote the gospel of Windows 12 to all those who don't have it, nuclear power generation, your houses' entire electricity combined, a mouse with 5000 different buttons for all possible commands and combinations,

they removed the local accounts, an VR headset to connect to and make you trapped in windows forever and you can't take it off, armed microsoft security guards at your home to protect you from hackers (and make sure you don't escape), forced upgrade even from MS-DOS (life uh finds a way), and then