Ari

could you pick your toilet out of a lineup for $1000

The watching paint dry stream: stream ends when the paint dries. Put a stroke of paint on a canvas. You can only check it once. If it's still wet, put a new stroke and wait again. Looking at the time is not allowed. You can pass the time by watching the paint dry.

placing a curse on my enemies to need to immediately poop after a shower

what if the muscle that controls the pee flow, was at the end of the penis, instead of in the butthole

whoever called it the "waiting room" really had it figured out

how bout to finite an not beyond i say

who knew flavors could be so tasty

the bathroom is a type of museum

I'll be zooming later

it might just be that time

okay so traitors is basically when you are pretending to be a nice person, which some people are, but some people aren't, but how hard are you willing to act as a nice person for a shit ton of money

hey wanna come over smoke a joint and analyze the relationship between race, gender, banishment in all seasons of the traitors then maybe make out

got caught and now they’re making me smoke the whole pack of croissants

have you ever had a realization that you need to tell people, but then when you tell someone, they think you're mentally ill. I mean, I know that, but what about the realization tho

for my midlife crisis, id like to open a bakery called the pie dispenser and it'll have both uk and us pies

spamming trash can button

A chorus line of fuzzy turkey tail mushrooms grow on the same branch as cup and crust lichens over a bed of crystalline snow. A bonanza of texture! All photos by me

Here are some nice mushrooms and lichens

It's just a krill issue

hamster in a pink toy car with pink sunglasses on forehead, "the horrors persist, but so do I" with sparkling lights around

not to sound like a moody teenager in second puberty, but no one understands me

I would I were devoured in a million million bites,
as whipped cream by hungry isopods

A weird screenshot of a BBC program thumbnail showing a fluffy, round white dog relaxing in a window looking out across a scenic meadow. The text says "Scientists reveal the secret" but there is zero context here, just a funny dog.

I get beauty and beety mixed up don't you

instead of prison sentences, they should make you stand in front of a crowd of people that are all booing you. there, all crime is basically solved

Claudia Winkleman voice: the yours is floors

Sometimes I get a little upset when I live in a collapsing dystopia for many years

joint in one hand, breadstick in the other

im not sure liquid carrots should even be possible

I’m listening to a damn word you say

water contains at least 70 percent moisture