Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧

I can't refrain from watching movies with strong female lead actors.

My girlfriend told me I'm a Heroine addict.

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I've just been into Cafe Nero in town and the Barista was wearing a face mask, so I asked him why.

"It's a coughy filter."

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He suffers from a huge rash on his neck and genitals when anyone says "Boo" to him.

The medical term is Donorrhea.
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That was some curry😱
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Cuntre Parcs
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Breaking:

Scientists grow human vocal chords in Petrie dish.

When asked why they bothered, the lead scientist replied, "The results speak for themselves."

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I visited the worst pub I've ever been into last night, The Fiddle.

It was a Vile inn.

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Annabel Denham, and James Cleverley, are to journalism and politics respectively, what Fiona Bruce is to unbiased interjection.

Stephen Doughty can't string a non cliché sentence together.

Only George Monbiot and Shashank Joshi talking any sense.
#bbcqt
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I see Nigel Farage has embraced world book day, and dressed as a fascist grifting twat, or as he likes to call it, "my own style."
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Smooth peanut butter:

WTF is that all about, and who takes all the crunchy bits out?

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Hugo Dross
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I crossbred a cauliflower with a watermelon.

Now I have an overwhelming feeling of meloncauli.

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Snorted my coffee at this🤣🤣🤣
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I was attacked with a large cup in a coffee shop earlier. When the police arrived, they asked what happened.

"I was mugged."

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I'm quite enjoying my new archery hobby, but it does have it's drawbacks.
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I've hurt my back walking like an Egyptian, whilst dancing to the Bangles.

I've just had to book an appointment with a Cairo practor.

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Barron Trump wearing the new bomb disposal outfit that his dad designed, so he can shit himself and it won't show.

"The bravery of my son being on the front line in Tehran despite being taller than windmills, is the bigliest bravery in the world," said President Donorrhea.
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Winnie the Pooh always carries an EpiPen with him, because he's constantly breaking into hives.
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Breaking:

Donorrhea Trump holds press conference and states, "President Mariachi of Spain isn't a nice man, everyone says so. He's not a good guy like me. I'm the bigliest good guy. He doesn't respect his Tacos, and puts his enchiladas in prison."
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#TrumpEpsteinFiles

Great guy, did a lot of good things, but I beat him at golf. He was rubbish at golf, everyone said it. I was the best.
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Oh I don't know🤣
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I went to visit my local smoking emporium yesterday, only to find that it had been taken over by a bodily attire store.

Clothes but no cigar.

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There's a definite buzz around the new barbershop in town.
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That will confuse Cornish residents. They think licking puddles is the only way to drink water.
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The Spanish when finding out Donorrhea Shitgibbon is halting all trade with them.
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Donorrhea Shitgibbon thinks his father was Herman Goering.
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Morning Tobes.
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It's expensive to slick his hair back.
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As I walked home from the pub last night, I passed an apple pie, a large rice pudding, a black forest gateau, and three large slices of meringue.

I thought to myself, "These streets are strangely desserted."

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a crowd of people with their hands on their heads ALT: a crowd of people with their hands on their heads

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