Good morning Melbourne!
There are many choices a person makes in life.
Not all of them are good choices.
#MetroTrains
09.03.2026 21:20
👍 0
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
Good morning Melbourne!
There are many choices a person makes in life.
Not all of them are good choices.
#MetroTrains
Today is International Women's Day!
We encourage more women to apply with us to become train drivers.
If any of you cute little cupcakes are thinking about it: it's a fun job, you'll look hot in that uniform and you'll never have to reverse park a train.
#MetroTrains #IWD2026
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980 Douglas Moyle pic shows a St Albans-bound Hitachi at North Melbourne.
The line has since been extended to Sunbury, meaning the daily signal, track and equipment faults now have a much larger catchment area.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Looking for something to do this Labour Day weekend?
Steamrail Victoria is holding open days! Get up close to historic locomotives and rollingstock, explore the workshop and see firsthand how Victoria's rail heritage is preserved.
Tickets: www.trybooking.com/events/landi...
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.20pm Update:
Severe thunderstorms are expected across parts of Melbourne this afternoon and early evening.
Our control room is running a book on which line will fall over first. We've got $50 on Hurstbridge.
#MetroTrains
This 1989 Mark Bau pic shows Y104 docking Motorail wagons at Spencer St.
Traveler's vehicles would be driven on to the wagons for transport interstate.
Today, docking means something else entirely and you prob shouldn't Google that at work.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
DON'T BE A FUCKWIT AROUND TRAINS OR LEVEL CROSSINGS.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.35pm Update:
Major delays on the Craigieburn line due to a convenient and well-timed equipment fault near Coolarpp. This will ensure you fuckers are delayed getting where you need to be.
#MetroTrains
Metro 3am Update:
All lines are currently operating a good service.
True, no trains are scheduled right now, however it's also because there are no passengers about to fuck things up.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.25pm Update:
All lines are running well at present.
This is because it’s Friday, we know you want to get home and ya boy Fake Metro has your back.
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
These June 1975 John Watson pics show the aftermath of a collision between a freight train and Hitachi at Frankston.
Brake failure on the B-class hauled freight resulted in an extreme fuckup and likely a lot of paperwork.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.40pm Update:
Delays on the Hurstbridge/Mernda lines due to an equipment fault near Flinders St.
Trains may terminate/originate at intermediate stations. They also may not. Who the fuck knows? It's Metro Roulette!
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This April 1988 Weston Langford pic shows N469 hauling an ex-Bendigo passenger service at Sunbury.
In 1988 Sunbury was a quiet country township with simple-minded folk. Today, it's a booming suburb with simple-minded folk.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.30pm Update:
Minor delays on the Frankston line due to who gives a shit it’s just the Frankston line.
#MetroTrains
This Sept 1960 Weston Langford pic shows loco H220 "Heavy Harry" stored at Newport, following withdrawal from service in 1958.
At 264t, H220 was the largest and heaviest steam loco built in Australia. That's still not as heavy as your mum.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
With Bill Gates currently in town we thought we’d ask him for some technical assistance before he heads back to Epstein Island.
Surely if we turn the entire rail network off and turn it back on that will fix all problems, right?
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.35pm Update:
All lines are currently operating a good service with no delays or disruptions.
This obviously is not ideal and we'd like to apologise to passengers who expected worse from us.
#MetroTrains
Metro 6pm Update:
Services are suspended on the Cran/Pak lines Hawksburn-Caulfield and Sunbury line West Footscray-Footscray due to a power fault.
We do understand this may significantly delay your journey this evening, but straight up, we don’t really care.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
Major delays on the Craigieburn line this morning because fuck you and die, that’s why. Cunts.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
Our new Big Switch timetable starts today. This introduces changes to Cranbourne, Frankston, Pakenham, Sunbury, Werribee & Williamstown services.
If you’re confused by these changes we suggest allowing additional time to become unconfused.
#MetroTrains
[Insert snarky comment about Vline here]
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
A shoutout to our friends at Sydney Trains, who today are retiring V Sets after 56 years of service.
The set running the final service ex-Blue Mountains has been painted in the original "Blue Goose" livery to mark the occasion.
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This Dec 1986 Rob Alenka pic shows DRC43 departing Frankston for Stony Point.
This is a rare example of a train escaping Frankston free of graffiti, vandalism or other damage.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
With today’s forecast extreme heat we suggest working from home where possible.
Of course, it would be greatly appreciated if you could all duck down to the station and tap on your Myki anyway. We like money.
#MetroTrains
An incredibly useless notification that is completely unhelpful to passengers. Mad respect to Vline.
Throwback Thursday!
This Aug 1952 pic shows the last scheduled train at Kew Station.
The Kew line and its stations closed soon after due to low patronage, mostly because the snobby cunts living there wouldn’t be caught dead on pub transport.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
Major delays on the Hurstbridge and Mernda lines due to a track fault near Flinders Street Station.
Trains will be held whilst repairs are not carried out.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.35pm Update:
Minor delays on the Hurstbridge and Upfield lines this afternoon.
All appropriate internal processes are underway to ensure passengers experience maximum inconvenience.
#MetroTrains
This June 1988 Paul Finnigan pic shows locomotive A66 at Seymour Station in Australian Bicentennial livery.
The bicentennial celebrated 200 years since the landing of the First Fleet, conveniently ignoring all Australian history before 1788.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.15pm Update:
Minor delays on some lines this afternoon due to some bullshit reason.
#MetroTrains