Pizza Las Vegas

I don’t think it’s fair that we can’t be skinny and healthy by eating bacon every day

We're all adults here at this casino, we can call it a shits table

*pointing to a single basket*
Me: These are my eggs.
*a majestic hawk elegantly swoops down to effortlessly carry my eggs away*
Me: Well, fuck.

Could God himself/herself make a burrito so big that even he/she themselves couldn't fold it?

I no longer have any concept of time or space. Lol.

did we ever get to the bottom of what a fetty wap is or is that still ongoing

pizzado or pizzadon’t

that is the question

I'm having some drinks and googling the types of stars most conducive to sustaining life, WYD?

A black and white selfie of an elderly Latino man begging for attention.

Time for a haircut, me thinks.

Y'all, the trees are turning green, the sun is out, and there are flowers everywhere. Also the birds are getting their freak on. It's a full-on birdie orgy out here.

A screenshot of two unrelated posts with the first reading "just trust me, you'll be fine" and another right below it reading "will we though."

Unfortunate update on the state of my own humanity: I was at a stop light and up ahead I saw a building on fire and my only thought was, "I hope the light turns green before all the emergency vehicles get here."

Here's the thing, there's no shortage of assholes, they'll find another one.

There's a bunch of high ranking military officials trying to bring about the biblical apocalypse, so that's pretty cool.

I'm slowwwwwwww as fuck, boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Eyesight is great and all, but I'm tired of looking at things.

Hot pizza, check it and see?

Do you know what I like to do in times like these? No seriously, someone please tell me what might bring me the slightest sliver of joy.

I don't find any of this funny either, but the whole thing is definitely a joke.

I still don't know which is better between being "gas" or "fire," but I'm afraid the kids will make fun of me if I ask.

My posts aren't bad, they're just preemptively good.

Why are you mad at me? If you're not mad at me, why are you lying?

I think every restaurant should have hand dollies for its patrons, and strong waitstaff who can push you out to your car when you're too full to walk

sooo can I donate someone else’s plasma for money

I bet the amount of drugs they're using to keep him alive would incapacitate a rhinoceros.

biblically accurate corn dogs