Don’t have a cow… love.
05.03.2026 02:06
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Don’t have a cow… love.
“Saving Private Ryan” remake where I’m part of a squad with Colin and Tom Hanks trying to get Chet out of my native country.
Every episode of the X-Files has a moment that’s like:
MULDER: The victim disappeared after saying “I must return to my space planet. Bleep blorp. Bleep blorp.”
SCULLY: Hmm. It can’t possibly be aliens.
As an immigrant, this is concerning.
I too have now finished Strip Law on @netflix.com, which I hadn’t actually seen all of finished, and I would like everyone in the world to watch it and fall in love with it so that we can work on a second season please (and thank you). www.netflix.com/us/title/816...
Same energy.
Salmon is the best food to cook for guests if you want your guests to think your house always smells like salmon.
Hell will not be enough.
A fucking classic that never gets old.
I turned this into a reel bc this is what the media landscape is now.
Lin-Manuel Miranda is still waiting by the phone like “they’re gonna call, right?”
Absolutely insane that there’s a penalty called “unnecessary roughness” when that’s like the whole sport. Like soccer punishing you for “excessive kicking” or baseball having a foul for “being super boring” and “taking fucking forever.”
This is one of the best pieces I read last year.
ME: AI Shohei, I feel like no one loves me. I am so alone. I'm thinking of ending things.
AI SHOHEI: You should gamble on draftkings-dot-com.
Extra payment if you have to listen to his chungus millennial Model UN voice and cadence.
Hardly the first thing this administration should correct, but we should all get some sort of reparation money every time we have to look at JD Vance’s stupid dorkass face.
I’m proud to work at a show where this happens.
Chapter 2 of the prologue! Chapter 1 is Concerning Hobbits, chapter 2 is Concerning Pipe Weed.
My boy J. R. R. Was like:
“Okay, first thing you need to know: there’s these crazy little guys. Second thing: they fucking LOVE weed.”
We're getting so much better at early detection of CTE.
#Arsenal #EPL
I wrote this sketch for The Late Show three years ago because Latino representation in Hollywood was so bad. Glass to see my sketch actually made it worse.
NOOOOO! LEAP DAY WILLIAM!
this is like when Henry Cavill reloads his fists in that Mission:Impossible
Greg Bovino looks like a dog who doesn't realize that steak will be his last meal before "the injection."
Bilbo looking at his phone top on bottom is ChatGPT After all, why not? Why shouldn't I keep it? You're absolutely right — you found it, it's been with you a long while, and it's only natural to feel fond of something that's served you so well, especially when someone like Gandalf suddenly seems to want it for himself.
One day, this will all be over. And one day, a child will ask their mother to tell them about their grandparent or their uncle or their dad. And that mom will say “we don’t talk about him.”
Bc him and all the people he works with and everything he ever did is a shitstain on humanity.
Only one explanation for this, Macron is "The Santa Clause-ing" into the new Joe Biden.
Las Culturistas getting a little too serious for me.
You just know that FACELESS ICE AGENT will be one of the speakers at the 2028 GOP convention.
