Iandominus Wrecks

A small, pale colored dog looking at a bottle of manischewitz

My dog agrees.

I could have maybe stopped cooking that meat an hour ago. But it's mostly good.

A plate of three tacos made with shredded pork and chicken together and topped with avocado, pico de gallo, and lime crema

Tacos! After work!

I (and the orifices) stand corrected.

Corey Lewandowski attempting to eat his own face or preparing to spit his Venom at a photographer and then consume him while he is disoriented.

Imagine spending millions of dollars in taxpayer money to get a luxury airplane bedroom so you can have sex with the guy that looks like Geppetto's trial run.

I can imagine that it is definitely stressful when your wife isn't a fan of your prospective girlfriend. This is just like when the cops get mad about attempted murder. It's not like you actually did anything. People are very touchy these days.

Ladies & gentlemen of the jury, my client is just a smol bean government. What kind of message would it send if you found them liable to pay back all of this money? That crime is illegal? That you can't benefit from your illegal crimes? What's next? Transes in bathrooms with YOUR kids?

Case closed.

This is worthy of some manner of award or fruit basket.

Does he have abs? Does this Hutt do wormy crunches?

Everything means whatever we need it to mean whenever we need it to mean something.

Deep down I know a lot of people are having a hearty chuckle at all of my jokes and don't have time to like them and share them with everyone else because they're so funny it's hard to click on them. That's always been my curse.

If you have seen about 4400 movies, you have spent over a year of your life watching movies. I don't have a full list right now, but I assume I have topped that. That's kind of amazing.

In more important news, I put a chunk of pork loin and some chicken thighs in the slow cooker with some peppers, onions, garlic, tomato, cumin, chili powder, and smoked paprika, which I will be turning into tacos after work.

Tacos! After work!

This man has 100% masturbated to one of those haunted house tapes that's just screams, ominous laughter, and creaking hinges.

I hear yous guys on Bluesky are into orifice evolution.

Politicians keep talking about issuing subpoenas but this is not enough. I refuse to accept subpoenas. I don't even want poenas. I demand superpoenas.

*Jesus steps up to the mic*

My name's JC and I'm here to say, I love saving souls in a major way! Word!

*Eminem raises an eyebrow, smiles confidently, and then somehow his tongue turns into a fish so he can't rap*

MC: Winner, Jesus Christ!

*Eminem is thrown to the Lake of Fire*

a very natural looking chili cheese dog

They sell hot dogs! So many hot dogs. Like this one, which I took right off their website.

Although they did actually sell schnitzel once. For like a month or something. As a joke.

The CEO of Der Wienerschnitzel couldn't think of a name for his restaurant and the wife of Taco Bell founder George Bell suggested it at a dinner party one night because she read it in a cookbook. He liked it because he thought it'd be memorable, even if he never sold actual wiener schnitzel there.

The idea of the Rapture was invented by a random preacher in 1830 & is based solely on a suuuuuuuper creative interpretation of a single line of text from Thessalonians. In light of that, I am proposing it's actually "Rap? Sure!" & you have to defeat Jesus in a freestyle rap battle to go to Heaven

Social media was invented so we could escape from you and be with our own kind in the wild.

"Me running for office in Maine."

- b. Supp 2026

It's official!!

Wouldst thou like to purr deliciously?

Remember when the biggest thing in the news for like a whole week was Rachel Dolezal?

It's probably time to get rid of politicians altogether and just let an octopus that people have been using to predict football games run things from now on

a black and white monkey is hanging from a tree Alt: a black and white gibbon running all janky armed like a champ.

Hey, girl. You like gibbons? How about gibbon me a ride to the zoo so we can see the gibbons?

Scruffy, unshaven Tom Hanks with Wilson the volleyball. Bunch of perverts.

Fun Fact: In 1967, Elvis Presley took 6 consecutive months off of murdering drifters to see if he could quit cold turkey, but his addiction was too strong so he went back to his old ways.

Nice pants. Where'd you get 'em from? The pants store?

Pfft.