Me: I would feel slightly better about the direction of this country and honestly life in general if someone--ANYONE--in our government faced a crumb of accountability for these daily atrocities.
Universe: Best I can do is Black Garfield.
opening a dispensary called Canna Get A Bis-ness?
A list of some of my favorite oxymorons:
AI Artist
Good cop
90 minute Oscar film
My friend Doug who does a lot pills and is stupid
A list of some of my favorite oxymorons:
AI Artist
Good cop
90 minute Oscar film
My friend Doug who does a lot pills and is stupid
Blowing things up, kidnapping and killing foreign leaders, is good because it's Doing. Considering the consequences of Doing would be Thinking, which is weak and woke
I don't want to download an app to control the LED lights in my toilet I'd just like healthcare pls
Article from The Wrap entitled "Max Landis Tapped to Shape Paramount's 'G.I. Joe' Remount 7 Years After #MeToo Scandal" Then there's a picture of his ugly fucking r*pist face and his shitty fucking ears
crazy that the first thing we hear about Paramount after the hostile takeover is them being like "alright time to reinstate all the r*pists!!"
And for fucking GI JOE of all things
not even trying to be subtle
industry has two years left, tops
I'm sure it will be really good tho
sorry I can't invest in your startup at this juncture, all of my money is tied up in half-empty gatorade bottles on various surfaces of my apartment
the way you just know that the neighbor who doesn't break down their cardboard boxes in the communal recycling ALSO kicks ice cubes under the fridge and has terrible sex
Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville and today I'm gonna figure out Sufjan Stevens
Gandalf walking through TSA, about to do 9/11:
"You would not deprive an old man of his box cutter?"
Yes it is from The Two Towers
Gandalf walking through TSA, about to do 9/11:
"You would not deprive an old man of his box cutter?"
My impression of every Beatles documentary:
"the thing about ringo is he played the drums"
I just did Modern Romance and i'm watching Defending Your Life right now, definitely got all of em on the watchlist
falling into an Albert Brooks movie K-Hole tonight. This guy is like if Woody Allen wasn't a huge fucking creep and did more drugs
AI DOT COM SLASH ELON is more offensive than the Jewish slur from earlier
well that's on me, sorry y'all
Honestly this is a great time in American history for The Patriots to lose a Super Bowl with 0 points
Man I wish I put money on this game being Only Kicks
MORE LIKE GOOD BUNNY
When football makes you hungry....Uber Eats
When football gives you CTE and you have a ton of medical debt and need insurance....not Uber Eats
Taking a shot every time they do a commercial about how AI can Do Things
lemme know how the 2nd half goes
Me, at Gambler's Anonymous in two months
"Colin Jost said this would be funny.... :("
someone who has never heard American Idiot before right now:
"whoa wait he's right I don't wanna be one of those either"
ACAB for Cutie
Email in my inbox from Netflix that says "podcasts are here" like anybody fucking cares or will listen to a single Netflix podcast what the fuck are these morons doing why do we let the stupidest people in the world control all of the money holy shit I am so sick of this planet
oh thank god finally
this is what I needed, what we all begged for
what if they released the epstein files to make us forget about that Melania movie
Popping in real quick to say ICE should be abolished immediately and also Ip Man is a better franchise than Rocky
One of these things is objective fact and the other is bait
