mean things I say to myself

if you don’t learn from billy joel’s ‘we didn’t start the fire,’ you’re doomed to repeat billy joel’s ‘we didn’t start the fire’

The gap in my resume is from being released into the wild.

say what you will about me but I would never date a guy named Dylan

I love when people get my references 😊😊😊❤️

👍

So road trips are out
And like, buying stuff

Tesla sued after Austin shooting suspect allegedly assaulted co-worker A 65-year-old woman says the automaker ignored warning signs before Ndiaga Diagne, the suspect in Sunday’s mass shooting, assaulted her. She sued Thursday.

the Austin mass shooter was a Tesla employee who assaulted a coworker during a company-allowed prayer break late last year

the company refused to give the victim her assailant's name so she could press charges, and he went on to become a mass shooter

www.statesman.com/business/art...

I hope that someday those Kraft singles find love.

Mechanical keyboard enthusiasts, calm your tits, I mean the clicks on your phone keyboard when you text. Completely unnecessary.

Look, I am going to need speakerphone to go away. Don't tell me you have no idea how ear buds or headphones work. If you use speakerphone out loud, people hate you. Same with keyboard clicky clacks. Are you a fictional cow trying to get heated blankets in the barn at the farm? Turn that shit off

there is nothing more humbling than getting passport photos taken

I treat my body like a temple. Unfortunately for a few hours each week I treat my body like the British Museum treats a temple.

I am completely delusional (complimentary)

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

imagine being fired. ok, well that sucks. now, imagine being fired by the worst president of all time

Markwayne Mullin Reportedly Fingered Nostrils of Colleagues and Their Spouses During Visit to Israel

what fresh hell

Well, the aliens aren't going to fix this.

A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, “Kristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

Screaming

Thou shalt arrest Kristi Noem and put her in a detention center indefinitely so she can “await processing.”

McDonald’s could literally save the country if they made a Big Mac, filet o fish, crispy chicken sandwich combo mega sandwich, covered it with cheese and called it “The President burger.” They could sell the only in DC.

I have never seen more poorly done gender affirming care

Kristi Noem before and after her MAGA plastic surgery mistakes

dog this is straight up fucking crazy

replace all sentencing guidelines for all crimes with a term of being required to post on Threads

the cast of Star Trek Voyager in street clothes awkwardly posing with late-90s computer hardware and consumer electronics

this is what it feels like to post on bluesky

The reason we have “stupid rules of engagement” is to make sure we don’t bomb elementary schools.

I hate people who act like they're smarter than me just because they went to a fancy college and have a higher IQ and are gooder at thinkings.

Her: Babe, be honest. Are you in the mob?

Me: Babe, you know I run a shoe store.

Her: But why are they all made of concrete?

Even my Southern mother says it's now okay to wish for him to die, guys, it's cool