Actually…

I’m gonna be the Herald guy who gets his fingers cut off by the boomerang

Also Duff Gardens

those men, after starting a fight:

The “Go Birds” and “Go Phils”-ing at Disneyworld is tremendous, my heart is full, we are the best

Ken is way too nice and affable to cut someone off. Alex would have made a sassy, withering comment and just moved on.

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

Black mug with illustration of a large dog in sunglasses. Text reads "Big dog dad", "drop the remote and nobody gets hurt!".

big dog dad: drop the remote and nobody gets hurt 📺

I just occurred to me that 90% of what I know about Disneyworld is based off Itchy and Scratchy Land

“Stand Your Ground” permits the detonation of tactical nukes

Jackie Daytona, regular human bartender from Tucson, Arizonia

*sitting bolt upright* Glup Shitto

On! What do you think I am some kind of degenerate?!

At Disneyworld, how much do I have to pay Pluto to pee on me?

You can’t spell Crosby without Cosby

Like the Legend of the Beavis

Why Cal Ripken Jr. should have shot himself to death on the field during his 2,129th game rather than taking Lou Gehrig’s mark

Slam A Dick

Brazzers

Marco Rubio when it happens

“epstein class is iranian propaganda” is definitely something i’d expect the epstein class to say

I mean kids are already despondent about a 90 minute delay…

Flying to Orlando and they just deplaned us at the gate due to maintenance issue, how much chaos can I cause in the terminal by loudly yelling into my phone “THEY CLOSED DISNEYWORLD?!” How many exhausted parents would celebrate my death?

So many Nike Air Monarchs on this plane

I am the aeroporto

Sweetwater customer service is so great because you’ll buy something like a replacement Stratocaster tremolo arm for $10 and in like 30 minutes you’ll get a call from your sales rep in Fort Wayne pledging his first born son to you

::Bernie Sanders voice::
“Marty Supreme”

Slider Bat Bryce vs. Aaron Rav4th Nola is the real unstoppable force / immovable object paradox ready to happen

Would have been extremely funny if he was a giant dickhead

The Kobe Bryant hagiography industry is and has always been pretty nauseating