Aliah 🤠

Me: hey, can you watch my kids for an hour on Thursday so that I can make a Botox appointment?

My dad, appalled: but won’t you lose function in those muscles from the Botox?

Me: well… that is…. the goal

Me: UGH I don’t want to go to work

Carter: why don’t you want to go to work mommy? Because there’s not enough nurses?

😐😐😐😐😐

Neither can my husband he literally watched in awe 😂

I think I have the only (almost) 4 year old on earth who would prefer to take an ibuprofen pill over children’s Motrin

I have a disease 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Did I spend $2000 on a surprise trip for my son for his birthday? Yes. Do I still feel guilty that I have not planned a big party? Also yes

I must have been fucking evil in a past life to deserve the flavor of body dysmorphia that makes me feel genuinely insane like my own eyes are gaslighting me

I can only make Velcro babies

Healthstream is my enemy “make sure to document in real time, it’s really important to document in real time” and who is going to take care of my 1:1 hands on patient like “sorry I can’t do counter pressure I have to chart” bitch I will k*ll you

I am the kindest bitch you will ever meet

I am drunk in a chilis at the bar and they just seated one of my old young women’s leaders next to us this is my worst nightmare

Me when the doc says at shift change that my patient “hasn’t progressed all day” and they have 2 hours to change or we’ll call a c section, so we do Spinning Babies and I call an hour later with a patient who is completely dilated and at +3 station

LDS Church History Transparency Quiz This 15 question quiz is designed to facilitate healthy discussions about factual LDS Church history, and LDS Church historical transparency. It should take less than 5 minutes to complete. Audience: ...

If you are or ever have been a member of the LDS church, take this survey if you want 🤩 don’t feel like you have to though ok thanks bye forms.gle/3o7Tr6ZHKzoE...

I had one once who reported an allergy to glucose. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Today my daughter screamed for 2.5 hours straight :) I love teething :) i am one single noise away from pulling a Vincent Van Gogh :)

So anyway I got sized for a bra yesterday for the first time since having my 2nd baby and I now wear a size 30A and I’ve always been smaller chested but now we’re talking president of the IBTC 🥲 rip my boobs time to find a plastic surgeon 🥲🥲🥲

a close up of a cartoon pikachu with his mouth open . ALT: a close up of a cartoon pikachu with his mouth open .

Me when I finally get my labs drawn bc I have been feeling like absolute shit and my hemoglobin is 7.8 and my vitamin D level is 12 🤩

I am very tired of winter I know that it has been mild but I am a CHILLY girl at baseline and when it’s 20° outside it’s like impossible for me to get warm I haven’t felt my fingers or toes in like 3 months 🫠

Oh this is smart!!

Today I ran into the husband of a patient I helped deliver last week at Costco and he came up to my husband and was like “your wife helped deliver our baby last week, and we felt so safe when she came in the room” screaming crying throwing up I love my job 🥺

Omg I wish I didn’t have adhd I keep forgetting this app exists and going back to the bad app

This mascara was $4 are u kidding me

Heatless curls ily

I did it 🤪

Why do I only look hot right before I get in the shower

I swear to god fetuses are the most dramatic people on earth like please I turned on the pitocin to 1 literally 8 minutes ago, why are you already acting a fool

I’m so sorry 😅

God, please

Omg GORGEOUS

“You can have all you ever wanted.” “I know. But I don’t want it… no, I CAN’T want it anymore” hits so different after you’ve been through faith deconstruction 🫠🫠🫠