In the Disciples 11-a-side team, Christ was a pretty tidy utility player who could play most positions. He preferred goalie though, or playing in front of the back three. Jesus saved AND Jesus swept.
I've watched EVERY TV SHOW EVER. Well I've watched The Nine O'Clock News and Not The Nine O'Clock News.
I'm going to design a tiny satnav for daddy longlegs. They really don't have a clue the gangly little idiots
Starsky & Hutch's first names were David & Ken. I don't think I would have tuned in to a show called David & Ken
Just met a molecular biologist. She was surprisingly tall
Just bought a Reform alarm clock. It doesn't have a snooze button. It has a LOSE BUTTON
My daughter was sent home from World Book Day because she’s had her appendix removed
So. It turns out me & my best friend are going to die on the same day. That’s the last time I play snap with Tarot cards
In the Dancing In The Dark video, Bruce Springsteen pulls an unknown girl out of the audience & dances with her on stage. That girl was Anna Karen, who famously went on to play Olive in On The Buses
In case you're wondering what happened to Candi Staton, she lent her name to a cholesterol-reducing sweet for obese American youngsters
If Axl Rose had a farm, he'd probably break down and cry-e-i-e-i-o
If Bonnie Tyler's needing a hero so much she should just call the fire brigade. It's £2000 for a false call-out, but she sounds desperate
ChatGPT has failed you. The joke relies on the song that resonated throughout my childhood:
“Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate’s made”
It’s official - Beyoncé’s new album will be called Chocolate. She’s recording it all in a studio round the corner from where she recorded Lemonade
Well, that explains the erratic delivery times.
Opening a new restaurant combining the best of Japanese wine with the best of Scottish hospitality. It's called FUCKSAKE
Just to let you know - I applied to start a religion based entirely on the lyrics to the theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, & the application was SUCCESSFUL
I was the best player in the Proctology Patients XI today. No goals, but I had four ass cysts
Some people like Albert Hammond Jr. Some people like Julian Casablancas. Some people prefer Fabrizio Moretti. Different Strokes for different folks
There’s nothing like football played with a squad of eleven. There really is no substitute
Off cheese-hunting tonight. Just me and some mates, shooting the bries
I think I’ll firebomb a few local schools & sports centres. I REALLY want to win the FIFA Peace Prize next year
This sudden rise in lamb obesity has been blamed on online gambolling
The first ever crowdfund attempt was by John Carpenter in 1981. "Can you all give me a tenner each? It's for a Thing"
“Flattery will get you nowhere” is actually short for “Flat battery will get you nowhere”
Belinda Carlisle. We dream the same dreams we want the same things.
She’s outbid me 17 TIMES on eBay
Sylvester Stallone used to run the first concession in Brooklyn market. Next to Sylvester Stalltwo
Kate Bush never sold well in Brazil, where her output was considered overlong & rambling
did you know you can fit every planet in the solar system in between Earth and the Moon?
I can't tho, I'm busy
If you hit a deer without stopping, be prepared for a visit by a rep from their union Venison.
