Pretty excited to live in an era when I can be on a date with a man telling a story and casually include “Now I see that my first mistake was talking to a man” and he can laugh and nod in understanding
I’m sitting near these two women on the train, they read as best friends in their mid thirties. Their outfits look so cute and they are smiling at each other and peacefully discussing something. They could sit next to me in a cafe for hours and it would be a delight.
At a Cake concert in 2018, I watched the woman in front of me shop for bras online.
Thank god, one of them left and the other one is working quietly.
On the other hand, all unknown men start at strike two and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I am wishing they would get away from me before they share an idiotic opinion.
It’s packed in here otherwise I’d move, and also I was here first, so here we are.
On the one hand, they are men and they friends and are conversing face to face and not about crypto, before I tuned out they were talking about their daughters, so compared to their cohort they’re doing pretty well.
I am sitting in a cafe for an hour before a doc appt. It’s small so two men are sitting in the same comfy chair are as me having a conversation. If it were women, I’d be eavesdropping. My default assumption is that there is no way what two random men are discussing is interesting, so I’m annoyed.
Should I buy five or six Coney Island mermaid parade t shirts? More importantly, who is going to stop me?
A man at work interrupted me one too many times and I snapped. He asked me a question, I started talking, he interrupts me midsentence. I said “You’re talking over me, you’re talking over me, you’re taking over me…” until he stopped and apologized.
I had to say it ELEVEN times.
I finally have the ability to look at someone and see them without my ego getting in the way. I am okay with someone struggling or being deeply flawed, and I will meet them where they are if it works for me.
I expect a high level of communication in general. I expect to know you and for you to know me. I expect to connect intellectually as well as emotionally and physically. We don’t need to be two sides of the same coin but we need to see each other as full human beings, even if it’s casual.
It needs to be a yes and not a “why not” for me to see someone more than twice. I can’t keep dating if there’s nothing wrong but also nothing especially right. I try to be kind and clear if I need to end it, and I expect the same.
The person needs to understand the importance of therapy. They need to have gone to therapy at some point in their life, and I’d prefer someone currently in therapy. We’re all broken little weirdos and if you’re not examining your own bullshit I do not have the energy for you.
The person has to respect my time and my schedule. Our time on this earth is limited and precious. I’m also a single mom and have other relationships. Don’t cancel at the last minute. Honor our plans and communicate if there’s an emergency.
As I have gotten older, I just don’t really have patience for the bullshit of dating, so I date less in general. Here are my rules for myself for dating so I don’t go kookoo bananas or quit all together
I stopped writing about dating and polyamory as much when my dating fell off a cliff in 2020 Now that I’ve been back at it for a year I have lost interest in most cis men, and that has really changed the conversation for me.
okay but who was actually every woman, chaka khan or whitney houston or was it a prime minister/president sort of arrangement
Via Rachel Rosing
I am acknowledging that I used to follow suit, but I will no longer do it. However, the subtext is - this is something that is expected of young women in particular.
Have I outgrown this obligation because I am too old? finally powerful enough to reject it? Or too tired to put up with it anymore?
I am asserting a boundary that, frankly, men rarely if ever have to assert. My body is mine. I don’t owe anyone anything.
I am implying a violation of a social norm that applies to me, a woman, and how I interact with men.
A year ago, I uttered this sentence and I can’t stop thinking about it, how it means more to me than I thought in the moment.
“The part of my life where I use my body to make men feel comfortable is over.”
You’re so cool! 💜💜💜
