Uncle Duke

Outdoor fruit stand with huge pyramid of oranges and tall round banana display.

they’re just begging for a car chase

Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

some shit is about to go down

A sign reads "Please wait patiently for the failure of the system" with Chinese characters above.

our patience has been rewarded

Clearly a forgery. Jesus dots his i with a heart.

*on antiques roadshow* I’m sorry…what?

Y’all mind if a white boy does a little unreliable narrating

𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺’𝘴 𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 is my favorite film about deviled eggs.

You tell a rational technology to go to hell and what does it do, the very rational bon voyage that your astronaut heart is afraid of, and coordinates are already go for the funny little space saving smart drill car

We may disagree politically but we are all of us fascinated by parasitoid egg casings laid on the back of a tomato hornworm. Let’s build on this

Making friends at the bar by drinking cider and calling myself a pommelier

Asbestos exposure reported at trader Joe's SE Portland location article

trader joe’s describing it as
*a delightfully rustic asbestos experience*

Misquoting Orwell is the perfect end to her tenure

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom

you: you DO have kids

me: WHAT

record co. ceo, 1973: record sales are down. you’re toast

Bread: what

me, opening my junk drawer: *sees 30 year cable charger that i haven’t used in 29 years*

also me: don’t throw it out you might need it

You know you ordered way too much fucking food for yourself when the Chinese restaurant gives you four fortune cookies.

Markwayne Mullin Reportedly Fingered Nostrils of Colleagues and Their Spouses During Visit to Israel A former House Republican claims that in 2015, Markwayne Mullin – then a congressman – took photos of himself putting his finger up the noses of...

This headline should win an award

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

your headlights catch the glow of her feral eyes as she drags the carcass of some unidentifiable animal into a culvert mere hours after her firing

Heroes (David Bowie acoustic cover) YouTube video by Half a Person

from the archives: because what the hell anymore:

youtu.be/8w6nP4wGbTs?...

Superman realizing he doesn’t have any pockets, shoving his cell phone into the waistband of his red external underwear, resigning to it just sticking halfway out.

*a nuclear blast destroys all i hold dear but that one vertebrae in my spine finally cracks so at least i die happy*

i want drugs that get rid of the need for sleep

you’re in the files, charlie brown

Warning: objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

one time i sneezed and got 22 "bless yous" so yea, i guess you could say im pretty religious

oops, she did it again

Do you think they gave Britney a breathalyzer or just viewed her last social media post?

[handing my date her special home cooked meal] they snap, crackle AND pop, Denise