My rustic ass garland is up and it’s here to remind you we only have 11 days left until the arrival of the big man himself (bob odenkirk) and his 3-word catchphrase (my little women)
If your reaction to my life announcement in a group text is to call me directly, then you are out of the group text, and also my good graces
KEEP HONKING I’m listening to Dwight Yoakam’s 1993 hit FAST AS YOU and I’m driving RECKLESSLY because I’m still MAD at my HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND when I listen to it
I know we talk a lot about how the sims made us weird but I appreciate that it prepared me for a lifetime of telling people to go to bed
In hindsight we maybe should have known about jk Rowling from the gender policing magical staircases she put in all the girls dorms
Me, 10:00am: haha I’m gonna listen to 90s country while I clean, so random
Me, 10:02am: STRAWBERRY WIIIINE
SEEEEEVENTEEN
You come to me on this, the day of your bachelorette trip, and you ask me to do a cold plunge????
I need timothee chalamet as bob dylan to write an 11-minute song about the natural bridge zoo’s giraffe litigation saga
CEOs using genAI to spit out copy like: “Stop Scrolling! 👀”
Millennial gays when the Gen Z gays want to go out all month
Idk what I did to make the algorithm think I want a shirt with the word tits on it but I scroll past 20+ per day
I wrote this about the perfect crime
Me on r/gardening for the first time having already planted trailing blackberries right next to my house
Is gifting a live plant a. a lovely gesture or b. like giving someone homework for their birthday? Discuss
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Finally pagans have something to celebrate on st Patrick’s day 😭🌈
My latest for @hardtimesshows.bsky.social with love and respect to people from Massachusetts
Me showing my exact age in the way I talk about watching SNL for the first time
Trail mix was invented for freaks like me who don’t want to admit they have a thing for salty fruit
I guess reading a book on why millennials have anxiety while listening to my comfort music—rilo kiley’s the execution of all things—kind of answers my own question
Alt millennial women collectively trying to decide if we’ve taken the curly hobbit shag haircut thing too far
I didn’t believe in dream jobs until I watched Hannah Berner give handfuls of fake cash to beautiful women for being funny
I am enticed less by the weird glamour of football and more by its many group hugs
if your beans didn't soften while cooking it's not because you salted too early. it's not because you added too much acid. it's not because the beans are too old. it's because you're impure of heart and the beans Know
Quiet quitting is one of those things that’s hard to explain but you know it when you see it
Lately I have known a weariness beyond my years
This looks like a roster of guys I've had to ban from open mics.
