Mike Stemmle

Wait, I'll come in again.

Hamlet... but only the Cowboy Wally version.

I'm also partial to Titus Andronicus, 'cause it's insane.

Or MacBeth, 'cause it teaches a very important lesson about giving credence to flattering women who reinforce your priors.

We would also have accepted "Oops! All Khameneis!"

OooOooOooOh
I’m hooked on a fact-based feeling

I admire the author's ability to get paid for writing risible dribble.

And that's about all I can say without earning a timeout.

a man in a purple coat is holding a cane and a top hat Alt: Willie Wonka seemingly trips, but turns it into a graceful somersault. In reality, if I tried this I would break my hip.

How I arrived on Bluesky

The last couple of days have seen an eruption of articles blatantly abusing the hoariest of the NYT Pitchbot's templates.

It would almost be funny if it weren't so, what's the phrase? Oh yes - "Goddamn appalling."

The NYT Pitchbot is funnier.

Just so you know, I fully intend to steal "artificial justice" the next time someone digs me up for a "Talking to the Dinosaurs of Video Games" interview. Thanks.

Also, if I were remaking Afterlife today, I'd have to introduce a bunch new sins to cover all of <wave hands around> this.

Liver-Eating Johnson?

My mom’s side of the family all went to Cal. My dad’s side is choc-a-bloc with Stanford alums.

We are united in discouraging the children of this generation from attending USC.

Psyduck?
Beldum?

Opinion | Californians finally get a guide to deciphering state's school data dashboard A nonprofit created a reader-friendly explainer of California school district ratings, a decade after the state created its confusing data dashboard.

Excited to see our new Dashboard report featured in Calmatters! calmatters.org/commentary/2...

I’ve got a few of those titles on my resume. Fortunately, almost no one played them.

Dear Jonathan and Will,

I realize that y'all are soaking in the "Provocative Takes" bizness, but for God's sake, have a little self-respect.

Yours,
Reality

"Arguably?"

In the world of politics, I believe that’s referred to as “coalition building.”

Paige, no!

It is both admirable and good for one’s digestion not to overly dwell on the negative aspects of one’s media intake.

That said, sometimes a sucky thing’s suckiness must be explicated in venomous detail, if only to serve as a warning to others contemplating similar acts of suckitude.

I was about to type something terribly witty like, “but hear me out - what about ‘Wuthering Heights In Space?’”

A quick check of the Internets disabused me of the notion that such a thought was either witty or original.

“Fornicate the penguin!”

“You know how old Margo Fonteyn is? She’s 206!”

“But it’s my only line!”

Oh yeahhhh. Completely forgot about those. I retract my earlier comments.

Scary Movies 1 and 3 do a reasonably good job of landing enough dumb jokes per minute that they’re overall enjoyable. Without Faris, they’d probably sink, though.

Do NOT watch Scary Movie 2.

Too much Fee in Washington DC.

There are definitely worse songs, but there are precious few from groups you’d expect better from.

It’s like if the Who released the Macarena.

1. Lila Cheney (she didn’t break bad, did she?)
2. Galadriel, ‘cause she’s spooky.
3. Ice (non Tom King murderer version).
4. Oooooh, that’s tough. T’Lyn? She’s Vulcan AF, and I find dry humor to be sexy.

(Whistles nonchalantly, intentionally not gazing in the direction of the twenty-two thousand comics that will one day be inflicted upon his children)

This is true. Many years ago I personally ended the scourge of “getting jiggy with it” and “on fleek” just by using it liberally around my much younger officemates.

Sadly, I was unable to halt the spread of “waaaaasup.”

You may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist, but that’s just peanuts to Canada.

“We are building a newspaper of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our stories in the spirits of our ancestors. You have our gratitude.”