being 18 in 2011 was all about logging “cum, 15 calories” on my fitness pal
07.02.2024 03:22
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being 18 in 2011 was all about logging “cum, 15 calories” on my fitness pal
what do we think my mother was trying to communicate by opting not to buy me the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath for Christmas?
people over property except for when it comes to me and my Ganni jacket
you call it “stealing office supplies”. i call it “liberating pens from the oppression of the capitalist 9-5”.
my mental health is inversely correlated with the number of films i log on Letterboxd in a given month
some days you’re a Scream gurlie and other days you’re barely a Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed gurlie
I hope this email keeps you up at night
thinking fondly of the time my mom became pre diabetic solely because her hyper fixation food was Cherry Garcia and when she stopped eating it her blood sugar went back to normal
Charlie Brown ass looking perfume
hitting the group chat at 1:30am with texts that just say like, “annie ernaux”
wild to think that my cat is gen z
Microdosing being a pigeon by delivering a letter.
spilling cerave face wash down my tits is the closest i’m coming to seeing any action this weekend
my friend told me he broke up with a 22 year old he was dating because she wouldn’t stop saying “slay”. like okay bro, i feel like her undeveloped prefrontal cortex is the bigger problem, but whatever
if i could eternal sunshine of the spotless mind myself, it wouldn’t be for some whiny bitch boy shit like being sad about a breakup, it would be so I could see search party for the first time over and over
the veggie burger at my local is called the drama queen and i need a gluten free bun. the server loudly presented me with the Gluten Free Drama Queen, which is the only title i will answer to from here on out. i need a sash and a crown.
carmy would have me saying yes chef
my friend’s mom is trying to start a “joy centre” [cult] that she describes as “a centre for joy” [still just a cult]
Your honor, if this was a jury of MY peers they'd know without a doubt I was just kidding
coming home drunk to a new apartment is like being kidnapped by the homocidal twink in search party
life is short, but for some people it should be much shorter
I gave up on people I lead a pack of dogs now
being a 17 year old gurlie in 2010 was all about googling like, “calories in cum” after spending the night before downing a litre of boones farm without a care in the world
my friend in a cult is afraid of microwaves but when i convinced her to use one to reheat her food at our hotel she tried to microwave her fork so now i’m thinking she fears the effect of microwaved metal
A fun prank to play on a date is to pull a cooked pinto bean from your bra and yell “oh no my last nipple!”
Look you don't have to like somebody to think their funeral was awesome.