John Helinski

idle Pokémon battle animations be like

If you bring a baby on a flight,
You're a terrible person.
If you bring a baby into first class,
Fuck You.

Am I too proud to eat this chicken nugget that fell into the tea? Not in this economy

Like, even when I worked at the hospital, they teach you to explain things at a middle school level because people are dumb

And I think the majority of people can tell he's.. subpar

Okay but how is this news?
We been knew, sis

Dang
I'm as old as Thomas Jefferson circa Declaration of Independence, now. 😭
I should buy a whig

iBees
APPLE HOP
❤️

Husband and I just did Myers-Briggs Type Indicator tests and it opened up the door to a much deeper conversation.

I highly recommend doing this with your partner.

If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

He fired Kristi Noem while she is speaking live. Lmao

I did not buy a drink
I bought a drank
Finna get crunk I guess 🤣

Why does cerulean and magenta pair so well
Wtf is that
They're not even complementary colors

Honestly, the perfect emoji to describe 2025

Why are all the politicians worldwide so keen on age verification all of a sudden?

From what I can tell, it really seems like 100% of people on "the list" are adults.

Seems like we're trying to "protect" the wrong group of people 🤔

Why are German cars so shit to repair but German washers are so nice for repairs

Bro I hate bees (yellow jackets)

Always fun to see the nostalgia of the past

That's XP

amy winehouse in hmv calling the guy saying his birthday is 3rd march a gayboy

today is the only day you can retweet thi-

AUA ❤️

I love that you are out there loving yourself 😍 I am drunk and in Aruba 🤣
I hope your trip went well, love! ❤️

Why is everyone at AT&T customer service so fucking stupid oh my God

Man, there's something different about sitting in first class listening to Fergie's Glamorous as the sun comes up.

Key has gone downhill so much in recent years
We had to switch to the green one 😂

This kind of "reporting" is why AI is taking over

I think it's just a means to ease any pressure on the government from the shut down.

All these years we thought the TSA was protecting us from bombs, turns out they were protecting us from fascism. 😂

Unions are the antithesis of monopolistic oligarchy.

If pollen is a reproductive element of plants, do they get orgasmic in the spring when they're just DUMPING LOADS into the wind?

I'm sure they're using an AI or something to pull stereotypical names out of a list to choose their targets.