Frank Trivieri / 🇨🇦🇮🇹

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help otherwise it’s Hamburger Intervention. 🥩🍔

What does an Italian have if one arm is shorter than the other?
A speech impediment 🇮🇹🤌

I recently entered the world kleptomaniac championships.
I took gold, silver, and bronze. 🥇🥈🥉

I gave the rest of my pastry to two pigeons.
I smiled when I realized that I had filled two birds with one scone.🕊️🥐

How do you escape from an elephants stomach?

You run around until you’re pooped.🐘🏃‍♂️💩

My cellphone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday.
It was some pretty good footage.📱🐾🥾

If you are a Canadian before you go to the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?
European. 🚽💧🇨🇦🇪🇺

My mom always said, “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Well mom I finally did it. Balance: $9.11 ☎️💸

Woman yells at old man.
Punish me daddy I’ve been a bad girl!
With a sigh the priest says “for the 10th time, it’s forgive me father I have sinned! ⛪️🛐

What’s the easiest way to cancel your appointment at the sperm bank?
Call and tell them you aren’t coming.💧😰🫙

My deaf wife was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye
out.🧏‍♀️👀

What type of music do optometrist listen too?
Eye tunes. 👀🎶

Have you heard about the depressed plumber?
Apparently he has been going through some shit! 💩 🪠🚽

Woo hoo!

I have a joke about Italian cheese.
But Big Parma won't let me share it.🧀🇮🇹

Woohoo!🥳

A tiger went to a doctor for back pain.
The doctor touched the tiger's back and asked "Is this the spot?"
The tiger said "No, that's a stripe."🦁🐅🩺

Two guys walking and see a dog licking his balls. One guy says to the other, "I wish I could do that"
The other guy says, "you should probably pet him first"🐕👅🎾

A Jehova Witness came to the house yesterday. I invited him in and made him coffee. I asked what he wanted to discuss. He replied, hell if I know, I never got this far before. ⛪️☕️🤨

My wife is a radiologist.
We met when i came in for an x-ray.
I always wondered what she saw in me. 🩻💕

A dental hygienist and a manicurist entered a boxing ring.
They fought tooth and
nail. 🦷💅🥊

I asked my wife what she wanted for valentines. She said nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.
So I got her nothing. 💎💝

I finally saw my doctor and showed her the rash on my groin.
She just ignored me and kept pushing her cart through Costco. 👩‍⚕️🛒🍆

A survey was done on ladies preferences of men’s legs.
10% said they like long legs
20% prefer short legs
The rest prefer something inbetween.📊🦵🍆

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need
a crane.🚼🪿🏗️

There is a new Disney movie about a transgender whale.
It is called “Maybe Dick” 🐳🍆

I went to a costume party dressed as a screw driver.
I turned a few heads!🔩🪛

You may have seen a Bull Terrier in the show. But it wasn’t our dog…lol

Bad news on the stock markets today. The producer of Charmin touched a new bottom.
Thousands of investors were wiped clean. 🧻🚽💩