Hails

First valentines out of an abusive relationship, parents are gone, receiving an award this week and don’t have my parents and can’t take my dad bc reasons. Today is heavy.

When you’re in a cycle of work, recovering from work, rinse and repeat it’s so isolating like not able to see friends, do much with friends, feel just. Down. Therapy is helping the ptsd flaring from it all. Mad to be back in a same position as almost a decade ago.

Missingag so much and jsut like being with friends and away from life stress and distracted from pain. Man pain has been so isolating lately.

I’ve seen this happening sooo much and it’s so frustrating! meds shouldn’t be so expensive!

FOR OMEPRAZOL?????? WTF

11 more days waiting for this scan and then 19 days until I know if my hip labrum is torn FUCKING SUCKS

It’s not a bad trek I love Amtrak and can sometimes go with you 🫡

1 hip procedure on 12/30 and then another on 1/16
🫠 time to face the MRA and Plasma injection. At least I’m getting medicated for this bc the hospital won’t do sedation and I have ptsd

Going about my day like normal like I didn’t schedule to have the very same procedure that traumatized me when I was 15

“Ignite, my love, ignite.”

"In a world where there is so much to grieve and so little good to take, I grieve nothing, I take everything".

VIRGINIA FLIPPED BLUE BABYYYYYY

I might be finding a way to move back to my specialty earlier than I thought as an RN??? Trying not to get hopes up but some educators are getting me in contact with the ER fellowship educator and managers.

This is one of my friends who is working hard to get out of this situation!

Adjusting still to being a nurse is hard cause now that I’m independent some imposter syndrome is kicking in, still trying to find balance of life outside of the hospital, and just burnt out? Missing the ambulance still. It’s just weird

Tis fall

Honestly loving this vest I got it also holds so muchhhh

N

Looking like I was going to have to do the tilt table AGAIN if I want the dx in my chart but apparently someone read the title table and went oh this doctor is dumb and put the dx in.

And then today I look at some paperwork to check where to go for labs and sure enough pots is on the diagnosis list as of August 😂 which is also double funny to me cause I’m like actually it’s been here since 2010. Just kinda laughing that fought to get diagnosed and then the entire issue was

Been treated for pots for awhile now but because of a mishap with recording of tilt table and how the cardiologist who wasn’t in the room read one of the vitals I wasn’t diagnosed just a constant “well it’s pots but we can’t put the dx in so!”

Do you ever just officially get diagnosed with a chronic illness and not told you were diagnosed officially 😂

Life is still a lot lately and I’m desperate for every bit of normalcy I can find. Little wins and little normal moments like outings, video games with friends, dnd games, just kinda clinging to it and doing my best.

At least these been some wins at work lately. First day off orientation a retired nurse praised my care to my manager. My manager put in a recognition and praised me yesterday for this.

I’ve been in 24/7 pain since starting my job. Haven’t been at a 0 since July. Having had 24/7 chronic pain and now being back in this, related to the SAME injury. I’m tired man. Back to therapy cause ptsd is flaring up.

I’m prepared for internet hell regardless

It’s a hard realization that while I really love my unit staff and manager I so rarely feel fulfilled where I’m at.

Apparently dry needling just isn’t a treatment for me

This will pass. It will. But fuck this. I thought I was over this shit years ago. Fought tooth and nail to become a nurse bc of my experiences only to have nursing trigger up the upper body weakness bc of global weakness from the hip surgeries and muscle atrophy

In the ER AGAIN cause dry needling my entire upper body sent me into horrific spasms and pain and god ptsd is triggered bc the drugs and the situation and why does it always go back to the hip