Katie

Hot take: age verification checks on knife purchases won't stop people buying knives to hurt people; it will just make it slightly harder for minors to do it.

I just got dragged away from making a brew to "save" my colleagues from a daddy-long-legs and returned to the kitchen to find someone had used the hot water from the kettle whilst I was gone 😤

A person wearing an orange hoodie and a cheeky expression on their face is holding a glass of bright blue liquid and sticking their tongue out, which has been dyed blue by the liquid. The glass says "Winter Beer Fest 2025" on it.

My beer tastes like Irn Bru flavour bubblegum. It's blue. Very blue.

Actual conversation between Bob and I:

B: doink?
Me: doink.
B: doink?
Me: doink!
B: ngh, I'm asking if you want a drink!
Me: oh that was a question?!
B: it was pretty clear!
Me: it really wasn't…

I know the way to your heart, and it's to let you make sound effects.

-I just Mario Karted it basically.
-But did you make a wahooooo

I'm not judging you, I'm just being weird.

-You were in a fight club.
-That was just the culture.
-And you were waterboarded.
-That wasn't necessarily my choice, though.

You can't microwave an entire cow

-You know how there's no such thing as a stupid question? I was about to ask if we are in a long-term relationship.
-Define "long". Define "term". I know "ship" is but what type of ship is a relationship?

-Are you mansplaining time zones to me?
-Yes.
-OK, at least you own it.

Humans took wolves, said "have some of our food and help us hunt", the wolves said "what's the worst that could happen" and then humans made chihuahuas.

I enjoy witnessing punks dancing, but there is a limit, and that limit is being elbowed in the tit.

Karma's a bitch and it's sticking its butthole in your face

It was a just an unexpected excessive amount of bouncing.

Is the plant even part of the costume, or is it just a coincidental plant?

-Oh, fuck you
-What did I do?
-Not you, the hand towels

It's like playing a game. It's called getting your shit together.

It's actually not a bad outfit, you'd be reasonably waterproof in a shark

I'm a slice of pizza hungry, not food hungry

Guys! Serious question! Where is my rum?!

I don't come with inbuilt structural integrity.

Osmotic rum is not the good stuff!

Would you rather I paid attention to the words coming out of my mouth, or the road I'm driving us on…?

It's about being on strike and being gay, so obviously, I thought of you.

Let's not ruin a perfectly lovely day with a trip to A&E

I never experienced "birthday beats" growing up but then I never had any friends.

I misheard "anger" as "admin"

Wait, are you calling me a monster because I eat the breadcrumbs and then the halloumi, or because I'm talking about degloving the halloumi?

"Dinosaurs don't need commitment!"
"I think they fucking do, or they wouldn't have gone extinct!"