Evan M. Bedford

Every word
I say to you feels
disgusting,

because it
can’t help
other than to be.

You bring out
the worst in me,
then tell me it’s who I am.

#poetry

I found someone
that I would do
anything for.

That I will
forever adore.

I found someone
that I would give up
anything for.

That I forever
hunger for.

#poetry

I liked it as she did it.
I liked it as it was.

I have contaminated
her originality.

I have rendered it
into a conformist effort.

I turned her purity
into filth.

Telling her—
that I made it clean.

#poetry

The crows peck at
my dead flesh.

Exposed to
the open air—

is the wound
at which they gouge.

A vast and red
indentation of my body.

As if a mass of skin—
simply evaporated

and a bowl-shaped indentation
of flesh was eaten away.

#poetry

have to live without.
They are all qualities of you
that I failed to celebrate.

I disrespected you,
then I realized that I love
everything about you.

#poetry

I’ve grown to love
attributes that I’ve
hated about you.

That now bring me
comfort compared to
the attributes of others.

Aspects that before
I didn’t find appealing,
but now I don’t want to

Every gift I have
ever given to a woman
has been given in vain.

I receive nearly nothing.
Resulting in heartbreak
and hardship.

If I never said anything—
they would never
swallow my energy—
given in the form of flattery,
and I would not feel like an empty void.

#poetry

I regret everything
I have ever done
to a woman.

Because everything
would be so much better
if I never said a word
and never made an action.

Because every time
I do anything they
make me regret it.

The closer I get to pleasing you
the more beautiful you seem.

#poetry

A negative
situation,

that distracted
me from my further
discovered hope.

A negative
situation,

that plagued
me with unsettling
emotion.

#poetry

She is the good part
of every story.

She is the exception
to all of the rules.

She is the bringer
of hope when I feel hopeless.

I can feel her in my mind
and that I am right.

As I refuse outside influence
and it’s fright.

Horrifying mistruth
that is never right.

#poetry

The kind that’s
joined with a sigh.

The kind that you
don’t mean in entirety.

The kind that gives
me a gentle hope.

For another
moment with you.

#poetry

Living without you
feels like waiting to die.

I push you further
the more that I try.

Feeling too empty—
too numb to cry.

It feels like for no reason—
that you said goodbye.

You didn’t leave me behind,
or rise to the sky.

You gave me a partial
and hollow bye.

Nothing fits
together.

The tiles scatter
on the floor.

The pieces that
I tried to put back
into place

mock me.

Staring at me
is a task unfinished.

#poetry

I’m wasting time

that I could be
spending with you,

by not having
what I need.

Starving you—
is starving myself.

#poetry

At the intensity
that I hold you dear,
you haven’t a clue.

Held together by
my hope for you,
that is my glue.

Taking each step
to get back to you.

#poetry

A special place in my heart.
A fondness for you.

For you,
there is nothing
I wouldn’t do.

In the dark,
I shout for you.

Hoping that you hear.
Hoping that you do.

I loved you
and you hurt me,

though it's all a facade
and I can see through it.

I loved you
and you hurt me,

and if every
woman is going to,

then I might as well
let you be the one to do it.

#poetry

It hurts to
have nothing,

when all
you do is try.

The more
that you do,

the less opportunities
come by.

Nothing could help it,
not even a sigh.

When every
lovely opportunity

will only
say goodbye.

#poetry

Everything is okay,
that is what I know.

To get to her
there is no length
I wouldn’t go.

In thought of her.
It heals me.

I feel hope for us—
against all odds.

Not needing
of one who nods.

#poetry

so that I can develop
for both of us
surplus and wealth.

I need to not reject
my feeling of her presence.

She is my reason.
She is my essence.

#poetry

Thrown into
unknowing.

With a sense of
reserve.

I must stay focused,
refusing to believe
the lies that I have heard.

I need to focus
on her and myself,

I will seek after you,
with patience and care.

Hoping that beside me—
I will someday
have you there.

Examining my signs
that I could have
manufactured.

Potentially of
my own prepare.

Sending my
mind into disrepair.

The doubt fades away
while into your eyes I stare.

#poetry

You want me to wait,
so that I appreciate you
so much more!

To thoughts of
doubt and waste,
I simply shut the door.

Only keeping alive
the thoughts related
to the one I long for.

Hoping for the future
and what it has in store,
only for that do I implore!

#poetry

I give you my hope,
and you swallow it whole.

I give you my hope,
until with it you are full.

Resembling the final goal.
When times are awful.

You give me a sliver back,
of what I gave you.

Not upon asking,
it is your choice.

Never could I tell you
when to use your voice.

#poetry

I’m having
a bad night.
Not with you.

Left in the cold,
alone and blue.

In this quiet room—
all I can do
is think of you.

Examining my
memories.
A distant view.

No one makes
me feel quite like you.

#poetry

My love for you
is true.

If you didn’t know—
now you do.

I have waited years
just to get to you.

No mere moment—
could cause us
to be through.

No mere moment—
could cause me
to give up on you.

#poetry

Eyes that have
lost focus.

Clusters of light shift,
bending in shape
over the subject.

Twisting its perception.
Twisting its display.

Causing the viewer
to feel awkward,

and unsettled
but in a harmless way.

#poetry

She loves me,

and I have
to have hope.

That is free.

Without her,
I’d rather be alone.

For she is the only one
I want next to me.

Hopeful,
I must be.

#poetry

My dearest friend
left my side.

The one I wanted
to make my bride.

Feeling low.
Feeling lost.

Only now
wanting to hide.

Sent into longing,
with withering pride.

To the hope I feel,
I try to abide.

#poetry