Nothing brings people together like bombing the shit out of them.

It’s time to mobilize ICE and send them on an unsupported landing of Iran’s coast. They want to play soldier let them go play soldier. There’s gotta be some Higgins boats in mothball somewhere.

I don’t know. I think he’ll thrive in this role. He can fly around the country for photo shoots, dress up in a plate carrier and a hat with a Velcro patch, and act surly when reporters question him.

Honestly this is super reminiscent of how Trump managed his business interests. When you have a problem, shuffle it into a purposely confusing web of LLCs and hope people forget about it.

a woman is opening a door in a living room with the words `` land shark '' written on the bottom . ALT: a woman is opening a door in a living room with the words `` land shark '' written on the bottom .

Making the first evolutionary strides towards their destiny.

China has to be thinking about moving up its Taiwan timeline now, right? We’re going to be using a lot of our limited munition stockpiles blowing up schools in Iran and fighting some sort of fucked up drone swarm version of the Tanker War to keep the Straits of Hormuz open.

It’s probably tough to get Grandpa McRanty to sit through more than one take, so they had to go with this one.

They should all be exiled to that island where the inbred descendants of the Bounty mutineers live. They’d fit right in.

Cruise missile regime changes usually go pretty smoothly. There’s probably some chill moderate dudes ready to step into the void.

Man, I had forgotten all about that fucking dweeb. Wonder whatever happened to ‘Dr’ Gorka?

This is just a revamped version of the old ‘welfare queen’ stuff. Like, if Rick Scott is able to sit as Florida’s senior Senator, your party clearly doesn’t take Medicare/medicaid fraud seriously.

Trump once again shows off his magical ability to cheapen anything he touches.

Why are you attending this? Surely you can find a better use of your time than listening to a declining, mentally ill, morally bankrupt person ramble and lie for two hours?

Why are the Democrats even attending? They should make him ramble in front of a half empty chamber.

Mandatory workplace compliance training.

Necrons are no joke. Probably the army I dread playing the most.

🇺🇸✝️🇺🇸

I have not, I’ve always had pretty good luck with good old isopropyl.

I everything on that list with the exception of ranch dressing which, despite my Great Lakes region roots, I find absolutely fucking vile.

Glad the Super Bowl is over so we can move on to the next moral panic. Surely something will happen at the Olympics that Republican ‘thought leaders’ can feign anger at.

Surprised to see the actual faction names here and not, like, ‘Planet Consumers’ or ‘Sons of Evil’ or some shit. Guessing Gee Dubs wasn’t as aggressive about their IP when this was released?

I don’t really follow football, but haven’t they been mad at the last several halftime shows? Like, it’s a yearly thing now isn’t it?

This guy is lucky he got a job when he did. DHS can’t be more than six months away from using phrenology to screen candidates.

Interested to see how the SLC thing plays out. The Mormons have a history of not being, uh, super cozy with the federal government and have a weird prepper/survivalist thing going, with lots of guns. But they’re also pretty Republican.

No idea how this plays out, but it should be interesting.

Seems fucking nuts. Like, they couldn’t find a country that isn’t descending into chaos, and that is actually interested in soccer?

a poster for jaws shows two men sitting next to each other and says lifeless eyes black eyes like a doll 's eyes ALT: a poster for jaws shows two men sitting next to each other and says lifeless eyes black eyes like a doll 's eyes

She gives me the heebie jeebies

Super cool, and I love that you gave them a name and a purpose, and not just ‘here’s a space greeble thingy’.

There’s a non-zero chance that he was dumped not because his employees executed two people, but because Trump didn’t like seeing how everyone clowned on Greggy for being dwarfed by his security detail, getting heckled in Target, and looking like a shrill little dork with a Napoleon complex.

okay hear me out

I guess the only bright side here is that that little dork is more interested in being out on the street terrorizing random people than he is actually doing his job and managing the whole fucked up enterprise.