I just want to make something good and be proud of it for once without feeling like an active impediment to every last person I touch's fulfillment and happiness. Like I wasn't a botched job or human fucking filler.
I'm trying to catch up but all I'm good for is a paycheck to siphon off to someone else and that feels awful.
I live in two and a half rooms 95% of the time and I am too stupid to live
And here I am in my 8th hour of meetings this week about metrics based tracking reorganization alignment and jesus christ I have half a mind to shoot myself and get it over with
Other people are successful. Other people get published. Other people are brilliant in any position, purely out of initiative. Other people have charisma and zeal and charm. And I just fucking don't. I'm disintegrating and wasting my fucking time and it already feels too late.
What the fuck have I spent the last ten years on beyond scrabbling for subsistence in an office, running tabletop, and ruining any chance I had at actually making some kind of creative work that wasn't D-grade horny bullshit
Why did I waste my life
I cannot remember the last time I felt competent and it scares the hell out of me. I just want to be good at what I do, and for that to matter.
I feel so behind everyone else in my life. I am in my mid 30s and all I do is stare at Excel, which I barely know, waste time answering emails, which don't matter, and try and maintain a household in my own poor way while what little knowledge I have deteriorates.
I feel like I'm drowning.
It shouldn't stress me out that I have to look something up but it's just insane that I cannot remember something like what an estuary is.
I gotta knock off some of the dumb bullshit I immerse myself in. I'm not learning anything. There's other problems I have, from sleep to available time after work, housework, time spent elsewhere, diabetes, but I'm not actually learning anything and I haven't for a long while.
I gotta do better. I used to know organic chemistry and at least algebraic physics. Now I can barely tell my apogees from perigees, and I'm ostensibly writing science fiction. I know the medical factor here can't be ignored but it scares the hell out of me that I don't understand things I used to.
Not this one x3
Every single thing that keeps me from scrolling the feed more than 2-3 times a day has made me happier. I knew it'd function like this but damn.
Shit sucks but it sucks less.
I restarted this whole playthrough because I realized I missed Larvitar and so far, good call, I am learning to OPTIMIZE
I even had the level cap observed I just never needed to switch out so we went up two.
So Jolteon made Storm Silver easy
I didn't even get a chance to use Larvitar or Flaffy
1v6 no faints, no items, just
Tshocks all day
Really is the best Eeveelution
The biggest response I've seen from full-time creators impacted by SubscribeStar's new rules: "If this is what the future holds, I have to stop doing certain adult content."
I cannot fault a single VA, artist, animator, VTuber, or so on for changing their content strategy. But it's such a loss
Little preview~
Little preview~
I think I can get to at least 1000 words an hour or so, maybe even 12 or 1300. That is kinda where I want to be with this stuff again.
800 words in 40 minutes. Not bad. Not amazing, but not bad.
11.
Crowds cheered as quakes sent the towers flanking the main thoroughfare shivering. The Minister watched from the Hall as the hero waved behind a row of titanic, upgunned mechs that barely reached his shins.
"Surely we can't sustain him". An aide murmurred.
"*That* is my successor's quandary."
It's just like that one episode :P
Cause it's macro march ,once again I want to share this banging adorable macro art of my moogle drawn by @teamfurtress.bsky.social a while back!
its still really cute!!!
LIVE: Hypnagogia 1½, Resident Evil Requiem, Horsey Game twitch.tv/vinesauce
A view of a titanic storm dragon as viewed from above, storm clouds and lightning swirling and dancing around him. Power poles being held in his hands and the land below marked with growing footprints.
It's my birthday today, and all I want is to grow a bit more powerful~
So enjoy the sight of an empowered dragon growing all the bigger for his efforts~
Fantastic artwork done by www.furaffinity.net/user/elkaart
#Macro #MacroFurry #MarchComms #Dragon #Elkaart
Happy Birthday~!
Like I'm having a fucking heart attack but I still have dishes to clean and alarms going off and stuff to scrub and when I finally sit down to read or write it sloughs off my brain like a rot.
11.
Crowds cheered as quakes sent the towers flanking the main thoroughfare shivering. The Minister watched from the Hall as the hero waved behind a row of titanic, upgunned mechs that barely reached his shins.
"Surely we can't sustain him". An aide murmurred.
"*That* is my successor's quandary."
God I feel like I'm just running out of time.
